Dear friends and family: anyone who cares to know or is interested: I wanted to make you all aware of something, given you are my friends and family. Lately, since the beginning of September it is safe to argue, I have been locked up inside myself. I didnt not answer phone calls. I avoided texts. I did not get out of bed for days at a time (unless there was class...and even then it was hard) if you feel I have evaded or avoided you, then I am deeply and terribly sorry as that was not my intention. This wasnt personal. I wasnt shutting anyone out I was stuck inside myself and too afraid to reach out for help. I lashed out at Angelo simply because I felt trapped in an emotional place I could not fathom existed. Its times like these Im reminded just how real the invisible diseases are, and how terrifying and harmful they can be. As I struggle to crawl my way out of this dark place, I thank you all for understanding and being patient with me. I hope youll understand and stick with me, as I would always be there to do the same for you. The support I have already received is a gift I will treasure more than any physical thing on earth. I once read a post, about someone who took their life simply because they were ignored, and that inspired someone to always smile and wave at passerbys. So I ask you friends, dont look at who a person is, what they may have done, or even their outward appearance. Underneath this flesh, we all have the same set of organs pumping blood, the same heart. So smile. Hold your head high. Remember you are special, and someone (most definitely myself) loves you. Be whoever you want and you have achieved something wonderful. Pass on some of your spirit to a friend, loved one, or stranger. Look towards the future, but always remember and honor the past, it is where you came from that made you who you are today: the good and the bad. I am lastly reminded that 6.5 months ago, there was a tragedy. Not even a year has gone by yet but I know I have made strides. I can safely and comfortably leave the house, without one last goodbye to the cats, or packing a bag of treasured belongings. I wont avoid the question of going somewhere with friends, or lie about being busy. I can go into non free standing buildings (hotels, apartments, town homes etc) and not feel afraid, or question what my best possible escape route would be in case of emergencies. I can live. So while I exist in this so called funk, I can at least take solace in the positive strides Ive taken, and even more so in the support that has been offered to me, from numerous texts, calls, and even facebooking. So if I seem distant or non existent, if I seem to be pulling away, or even ignoring, it isnt because of any one of you: it is simply because I have shut down for a while. Maybe its the changing of the seasons. Post wedding depression. Or the stress of being in mclean then fairfax. Please know, those of you who have reached out to me, if I havent responded, I really do appreciate it. I often have a lot to say. Its on rare occasions that I am caught speechless. Now is one of those times, but know however long I stay locked in this funk, I am fighting to try and escape, I know you are out there trying to pull me out, and even if I SAY nothing, I will never stop FEELING the love I do for each and every one of you. So please know, I am truly sorry, and I love you all. Really, Im just lucky and crazy grateful. And that project 365 grateful album? Its really refreshing and its what lead me to this announcement. If you stuck it out and read this all, thanks. ❤️
Posted on: Fri, 17 Oct 2014 04:47:33 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015