Dear sweet. I wish you hadn’t told me you wanted to go away. Now I can’t stop trying to imagine life without you. And of course these thoughts make my heartbeat accelerate. My breathing gets quick and shallow, my stomach swims to my throat and I can’t stop shaking. I’m used to the anxiety attacks, but they’ve rarely been this extreme. There’s a physical ache matched with an emotional counterpart when I imagine this. I feel as if something was stolen from me; something precious and irriplaceable. I told you my biggest fear is being left again. Now I’m terrified. I miss you when you’re not even gone. Then I start to think, maybe all this time I’ve been trying to hold onto something that was never mine to begin with. Maybe this was all chance and I’m pushing for something that wasn’t supposed to go any further than a high school crush. These thoughts can get depressing fairly quickly so I tell them to go away. They listen. (Most of the time anyway.) I know it makes no sense to torture myself this way, especially because I don’t know what is or isn’t supposed to happen. Nor do I know what tomorrow and everyday after it is going to bring. I try not to stress myself out over things that haven’t happened yet, but it’s hard. Everything is that much more brutal especially since I realized just how fast you can go away. Especially since I realized that life just sucks without you. I barely survived the first time with my heart and limbs intact. I’m not saying I’ll die without you but I damn sure would like to… So much love,
Posted on: Sat, 06 Jul 2013 06:24:58 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015