December 21, 2013 · TO THOSE WHO FEEL FORGOTTEN… Name Above All Names… You know something, sometimes I feel as if I spend too much time looking at what sin has done, and continues to do, in this world of ours; and I find myself realising that I so desperately need to avert my gaze away from all of that and toward the One whose gaze is forever upon me; which is what I most need to do tonight. Of all the names given of our Lord in the Bible; my favorite has always been The Beautiful Rose of Sharon. I don’t exactly know why this is; it is, after all, a rather strange name to describe such a manly man as Jesus of Nazareth. I think what draws me to this name is it seems to suggest a gentleness that goes beyond what men are usually capable of; and it reminds me that Jesus will not so much as snuff out a flickering candle; that when I am most vulnerable, down in the dumps, feeling like the failure I know myself to be, even on my most accomplished day; that there is an aspect to this great King that favors those who, in our awkward, incomplete way, attempt to love Him as He so deserves to be loved. This name, this Rose of Sharon that is Beautiful, is how I need to see Him this night because I am feeling a wee bit fragile, a bit lonely, a man who is indeed an island for most of the time I am conscious. (The old adage of “No man is an Island” obviously didn’t take into account The Isle of Man LOL) At work I am known as quite a talkative individual, I come across mostly as being quite confident around people; the opposite of inhibited or introverted but when I leave my place of work I spend 95% of my time alone, completely away from people; you see, despite what workmates and clients think, I am quite a shy, reclusive type of man, and people cause me a great deal of inner discomfort; they always have, even when I was a small boy growing up in Northern Ireland; (or perhaps it would be more honest to say that it is I who makes me most uncomfortable; the I I can be around others). I miss those I grew up with in moments like I am experiencing right now; those whom I have not seen in decades; my family of origin; bother, sisters; both my parents are dead; I wasn’t there when they passed; didn’t go to the funeral; didn’t even know they had passed until some months later; a phone call in the dead of night some thirteen thousand miles away… I have missed growing up with uncles and aunts and cousins and nieces and great nieces and nephews and the loss is, at times, quite insurmountable; just when you thought the shattered shards of your heart could not be ground down any leaner than the dust particles they already feel; another layer of aloneness creeps in uninvited to grind the powder just that little bit finer… I have always been a bit of a loner; truth be told; a friendly, at times overly talkative loner, but a loner nonetheless; sometimes I worry that I will die alone; forgotten, a stranger on a street full of strangers too busy or preoccupied to notice my departure; I sometimes wonder how it is I ended up so alone in the first place and in the end there is no one to blame, not even myself; it just panned out that way I guess. To attempt to remain a single man due to being divorced takes quite a bit of effort I suppose; it just doesn’t seem safe to be as sociable as what would be deemed normal by today’s standards; the temptations when one is alone in a room are more than enough to have to combat on a daily basis, let alone being out there with all the temptations that would make going home to a cold, dark, empty bedroom yet again seem like utter madness to one’s sanity; no, it is not good for a man to be alone – I can surely now after these many years attest to that biblical fact. You know there are times when I cry for no apparent reason right out of the blue; alone in my front room, a bit crushed, a bit defeated, a bit overly worried about future outcomes… Am I saved? Am I saved? Have I really been re-born? If so, where is the perfection promised with the new creation? Why all this struggle? Why all these failures? Why can’t being good now be my automatic default position? Why do church people keep such a distance from me? Why am I so alone? And then I notice that I was far from alone all this time. The presence and essence of The Beautiful Rose of Sharon is suddenly very much at the centre of where my care lives; that place so tender and vulnerable that I keep it between Him and I only; only He has the hands tender enough to wipe the many tears I shed away; and as I sense Him there; realizing He had never left anyway; and I feel that stirring in my spirit; and suddenly for no good reason goose bumps are up and down my arms and I have that emotionally overwhelmed tsunami crashing outward from so deep within my heart I know it is Him at the very core of my being loving me… And then… Well then I cry a different kind of tears; somehow more gentle, more revealing; more cleansing; and it is in these moments that I realise that out of all the names of our King; Counselor; Everlasting Father; The Alpha & Omega; The Truth, The Way, The Life; the Lion of the Tribe of Judah; it is this name that reveals an insight to the gentleness of our God’s great and tender heart that has me wiping my tears away, and preparing myself to keep on walking, trip and stumble as I might; to get up and drag a smile onto my lips just in case someone I might meet needs a smile to make it through their day; to attempt to forget all this loneliness and think about someone less fortunate than I; someone who would love loneliness to be the biggest problem they have to face this day; children who are completely without love or care or food or clothing; someone who has just lost a loved one; someone who is mourning an anniversary of having lost a loved one; perhaps even the love of their lives; and then suddenly, from out of nowhere but deep inside ,this person, this man; this God, this Beautiful Rose comforts and inspires and refreshes me anew until I end up wondering what it was that got me so down in the dumps to begin with and why it was I ever felt so alone when He has always been there, long before I called out that name of no sound with words only the desperate of heart can dare utter. I have been left by all at one time or another… I have selfishly left others heartbroken also… There is one though, who has never left me; one who has always been there; one who promises to never ever forsake me nor leave me alone until the end of all things have passed us all by; only one… My friend; My brother; The lover of my soul; My Lord; My Saviour; My King forever; My shield; My fortress; My place of safety under the shadow of great wings; My God; My all: My Beautiful Rose of Sharon… With Prayers for Shalom-Peace & May you remember me loving you enough to tell you the Truth; AGD
Posted on: Wed, 17 Dec 2014 16:44:16 +0000
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