Do I hate my life? Yes indeed. I born in a abusive family, grow up in a nervous, irritating, frustrated life, deserve the unwillingness life. Lost conscious before due to father psychotically behavior until met body weakening and couldnt eat as in Bulimia Nervosa initiating and terrified for days even lost my believe to God. A miracle happen and i came back but i taken 4 years of period for recovery. Fallback to my neighbor young-hood i been humiliate, laughter, let down, insult, accuse, same goes to my neighbor now, i never fight back once now and even never say a word back , some said that i have Schizophrenia, yes i taken the medicine when i dont need it for more than 10 years, yet my housemate which is a doctor found that i am independent, couldnt different what is imagination and truth, even i mentor and guide friend who is blinded or not realize in cases. How come i take this medicine? Now my body depend on this medicine. I always tell myself that i am not good enough so that everyone i treat must be the best of the best, as good i could. I am thirty year old, and all my dream is dead due to fall sick for four years to recover. I tried very hard now to achieve a better condition in studies, work, skills and life but all obstruction, even cried for god there is no help, i see unfairness but i keep moving on but there is no courage, i told myself not to believe in relationship love(girl) cause of experiencing there is no true and perfect love, the world hates me cause i dont belong to the world, i been sitting many times at the window from 16 floor even turn back my car in the highway once round to catch god attention. My body start getting weak thus my spirit is stronger than the body that drag my body to the peak for condition improvements, i found that i am useless all i have to do is moving forward, crush after crush. I god hands i failed, among realistic world i failed, no respect and humiliated, looses the feelings of tired, emotionally numb and gain an unlimited patient, no one fight for me nor god, soul is fading day by day. Yes, i totally hate my life.
Posted on: Mon, 02 Dec 2013 06:36:32 +0000
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