Drinks On Me In The Nursing Home! by Jeff Prager Just over three weeks ago an 84-year-old lady with recently diagnosed dementia called me at 8:30pm. She had fallen and she said there was a lot of blood and I should bring ice. It took 25 frantic, heart-pounding minutes to get to her. There she was, all 90 pounds, 5 foot 2 inches of Mom, standing in the kitchen, one hand on the counter and one hand on the back of a chair, broken hip, bump above her eye, blood everywhere, she couldnt move and shed been standing there in her panties and an oversized sweater for 25 minutes, not moving. The ambulance ride was uneventful, she had surgery the next afternoon, spent 3 days at the hospital and then 3 weeks in rehab. This is the 4th time shes fallen and hurt herself. I removed the sheets on her bed in her apartment today and the bed is covered with cigarette burn marks. Ive spent this week taking driving, cooking and living alone privileges away from an elegant, gifted and brilliant 84-year-old lady who has the very beginnings of dementia and whos beginning to repeatedly accidentally hurt herself. Its been a roller coaster ride of carefully chosen words, serious reassurances and lots and lots of love. The question we were faced with was do we allow her to live independently and harm herself repeatedly, perhaps harm others, and risk shortening her life or do we take away some of her independence, force her to live in the lap of luxury in the Ritz-Carlton for senior citizens, and spend almost 10k a month? Were moving my friends Mom into an assisted living facility this coming week. Its the classiest place in Minneapolis and it sits right on the Mississippi River. The gourmet dining room is open from 9am until 6pm and its all she can eat all day long and she has a 1-bedroom apartment with floor to ceiling windows, a nice kitchen (we had the stove removed), and she gets to keep her Cockatoo and African Grey! Theres even a bar where she can use her credit card to buy drinks, a concierge that takes her shopping, and a little glass house to smoke cigarettes outside in the winter time. A maid picks up her laundry on Sunday and returns it on Monday and another maid cleans her apartment two times weekly. She has a certified physical therapist daily, someone checks on her every two hours 24 hours a day, someone helps her shower and get dressed every morning and she still has internet, cable and a telephone! We even moved a lot of her furniture and presonal possessions into the apartment. And it has new carpet too, and a new refrigerator. When we toured the facility I stopped and talked with 3 extremely well-dressed and elegant looking ladies none of whom were under 85 and they all acted like teenagers. One of them even half stood up and grabbed at my beard. They all seemed confident that this place is Disneyland for the memory impaired but they cant quite remember it long enough to actually comment. But you can see that look in their eyes! Have you ever taken the driving privileges, the cooking privileges and the freedom and liberty from an 84-year-old person that cant remember things and keeps hurting herself? And whos stubborn and pissed off? Shes rational periodically and loves me. And shes rightfully and righteously pissed off. I would be too ... but she simply cant drive, cook or live alone any more. Im there for her. I love her. Who will be there for me? :)
Posted on: Sat, 16 Aug 2014 23:51:01 +0000
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