EIGHT WEEKS NO PILLS!!! YAY ME, I FINALLY DID IT!!! For Four years I stayed in a cloudy, distorted haze! I let that shit control me n I cant even begin to describe how extremely incredibly proud I am of myself!!! HAPPY TOO!!! Never saw a day or a future without them... I lost a lot of time, opportunities, ME, friends n family because of them n no matter how sorry I am or how many times I say it -sometimes youre just not forgivable... It hurts but I not only understand it but I am a firm believer in karma n even though Im very lonely most of the time, Im reaping... I wanna give a huge shout out to Lori for all the help, guidance, support n honesty she gave me, I WOULD NOT HAVE MADE IT THROUGH THE DARK WITHOUT YOU, SO FROM THE DEEPEST PART OF MY HEART N CORE I THANK YOU NOR WILL I EVER FORGET YOU!!! And to Michael for helping me see/feel life again, there arent words big enough to describe what you gave back to me, what you will FOREVER mean to me, or what that kiss did for me n I can only hope that one day youll forgive me so I can show you this huge beautiful smile that you helped put back on my face n maybe show you the person I really am-the person I should have been! In my heart Michael, till my last breath n in every glance at the moon! And to my daddy, for helping me on this journey-for ALWAYS being there for me no matter what, when everyone else stepped out you stayed right there! I thank you n I love you so much n I promise promise that your baby girl wont EVER go backwards again! I will continue to strive forward-no matter how crazy you make me ;) ...lol With all there has been thats tried to push me down, I pushed back even harder, I stayed focused, positive n strong! For 19yrs I lived on all the things n people that have hurt me, I not only carried it with me everyday but I dwelled there in the negatives, feeling like a back round fill in everyone elses life.. Feeling like no one understood me, cared about me or even wanted me around. But today Im living my life, doing what Kristine wants not what others want outta me or from me n none of that shit matters any more because I understand me, I love me n I enjoy my own company n I honestly dont care what others think, say or do anymore-I learned the hard way too many times to continue worrying about everyone else! This life is mine no one elses n now all those dreams n goals I had/wanted dont seem so far outta reach any more nor so scary... Feels amazing to be back n on the right track again!!! Im not only confident about my future but Im grabbing it! Its been three weeks since I smoked weed too, here this whole time since the age of 11; I thought I needed it-that it was somehow helping me n now I cant promise that I wont ever smoke it again but for right now Im doing damn fine without it! Sorry folks for my novel but when you have no one to celebrate with you n all youve accomplished nor thats proud of you-you gotta do it for yourself, right?! Patting myself on the back for letting my past go n finally seeing life as it should be! N again KOODOS TO ME!!! :):):)
Posted on: Mon, 11 Nov 2013 02:51:08 +0000