Episode 12 contd. Angom, shebi u been say if u see sugar mummy, u go rush am? i asked Angom as we were smoking in Angoms room two days later. ehen na, u don see sugar Mummy for me? he inquired. i don see, but u fit perform? i asked, Flow why u dey ask dis kin question na, u no know say any benue pekin must sabi perform? Me na original benue pekin like Tuface na he added. guy, tommorow, i go carry u go see somebody, but u go dey give me my cut when the money begin dey come, u hear?. I said. i go dey give u na, kai ibo boys!! una too like money he said. benue boys una no like money!! Ehen no tell anybody oh, na only u i wan involve for dis tin. Ilorin no be fine boy and him no even sabi perform sef i said. hahahahaha!!! U too funny oh, what of Kelvin and Sammy na? Angom asked. them no get mind na i reponded and we laughed. I went outside to play table tennis with others. Ilorin, u know say Ojiga don come back from police station? Sammy said, ehennn!!, who bail am na? Ilorin asked. na Mama Alhaja na Sammy responded. guy we need to dey careful with our things oh, Ojiga na serious thief i added. Soon, i lost interest in the table tennis so i told Kelvin to go bring his Chess board for both of us to play. Ilorin and Sammy were playing table tennis while me and Kelvin concentrated on Chess game. The four of us paused at the same time when we saw a drop dead angel catwalking. chei!!!! Ilorin eeeeeh!! This one na Mammy water eeeeeh!!! i said with my mouth wide open. No be small thing oh, nkà wu ólùgbajié boys eeeeh Sammy spoke in Ibo. i go go chyke am Kelvin said suddenly. no go, she go fall ur hand, u no even dress well sef, na only boxers u wear oh i cautioned. abeg e no mean, i go go jor Kelvin said as he walked up to the lady. I knew he would mess up, so i drew closer in other to hear their conversation. I was hiding by a wall, so they couldnt see me. Hello babe, my name is Kelvin, what of u? he asked, am Bimbo the lady responded. ok Bimbo, Do u from this location? Does u have a phone? he fired from his arsenal of grammatical blunders. I did my best not to laugh. But, i burst into heavy laughter when he finally said .............................. ....... Bimbo i will calling u tommorow. make we go smoke for Legendary na Ilorin suggested. make we go na, anything wey una wan drink, i go pay, money dey i assured. We got to Legendary. We chatted as we drank, u know say if igboh no dey, u fit use some other local things hi urself Angom said, things like wetin? i asked. guy if u soak cloth for fuel, press the fuel comot for the cloth, con put the cloth for ur nose, as u dey breath in naso e dey hi u, e go hi u pass igboh sef Angom said. guy u sure wetin u dey talk? i inquired. i sure na, we dey do am for benue wen igboh no dey, one day i go show u how e dey be Angom promised. dis una igboh sef, how e dey sweet una sef? Sammy asked. oboy, na the sweetest thing oh Ilorin said. na the sweetest thing oh, but only say toto sweet pass am, u wan taste am? i said offering Sammy the Jumbo i was smoking. make i taste the thing sef Sammy said, reluctantly, he took the weed from me. Kelvin was about saying something to make Sammy stop, but it was too late. Sammy had already dragged in and puffed out. Sammy!! Sammy!! Sammy!! we cheered. As he puffed out, he coughed. Ilorin, Angom and Myself were still cheering but Kelvin frowned at our mischief. The smoke was choking him. see person wey say him hate Igboh, Igboh go show am pepper today i tot. He dragged in again, this time shouting, yeeeeeeh!!. I saw his eyes shuting, i tot he would run mad soon as he continously shook his head. maybe him want make the Igboh diggest well well for him brain nahim make him dey shake him head i tot. He was enjoying it because i could see him smiling, or was it the igboh spirit in him that ordered him to smile against his own wish?. He dragged in for the third time and ...................... He passed out We tried reviving Sammy but to no avail, i tot he was dead. Just then, i tot of giving him Mouth to mouth resuscitation, because same thing occured in the barracks some years back and the guy that passed out was brought back to life by mouth to mouth resuscitation. even if we go use mouth bring sammy come back, no be me go use my mouth, Sammy wey him mouth dey smell like soak-away i tot. make una bring water oh Angom ordered. As i and the barman rushed to bring water i was recalling with nostalgia my first day of tasting weed. It was in the barracks, my friends told me after the incident that immediately i dragged in as i took my first kiss, i removed my cloth; wearing only boxers and telling them; heat dey oh!!, when it wasnt sunny but cloudy (thats a story for another day). igboh go tell u say sun na moon, and u go call sun, moon i tot. The water was splashed on Sammy and he was still lying like a log of wood, abi him don die, God forbid!!, imagine say him die, police go just arrest us, news to just say: A CORPER DIED AFTER SMOKING MARIJUANA FOR THE FIRST TIME, him no fit die jor, i never see where igboh kill person before jor i tot to myself. The water was splashed on him again and the was revived. It was 10pm. We were happy our dead friend ressurected. We walked home happily; though Sammy was walking dizzily, we were still happy that at least our friend isnt dead, not knowing our Happiness would turn sadness in few seconds.. stop there, where una dey go? a vigilante shouted switching on his torch light. We stoped abruptly. I took a quick glance at my watch and saw that it was 10:30; the time the vigilante members resumes duty. Now the torch light was dirrected towards my eyes causing me a blurred vision. ehnnnn we dey go our house i cried. na una dey rob dis area abi a guy with broad chest; who was also a vigilante shouted. rob ke!!! We no be thief oh Ilorin said. shut up!! Una be thief, we go show una pepper today one of the vigilante said bringing the matchete in his hands close to my chest. u!!! Who u be? the one with the matchete asked bringing the matchete to touch my chest, as i could now feel the sharpness of the matchete. i be corper, my name na Adewale Azeez i cried out. There was a reason why i lied(u would get to know). Awón copa the broad chested man said. At that moment Ilorin; as the only Yoruba boy amongst us came out and was pleading on our behalf in Yoruba language. Ok una go show us una ID card so we go know say una be corper the one holding the matchete said. We all brought out our wallet in search of our corpers ID card. I was shocked when i couldnt find mine. where my ID card com dey na? Abi e don lost i tot. I instantly remembered i had used my ID card to fill a form the principal gave us to fill in sch the previous Day, i never knew my NYSC number off hand so i confirmed from my ID card, i didnt remember to put it back to my wallet. ehen!! You, where your own ID card? the vigilante guy queried after he had checked the ID cards of others. ehnn, ebbbennnnn, ehnnnn i was speaking what sounded like Swahili. i say where ur ID card? he shouted at me. e don loss i lied. e don loss abi? Wetin u say be ur name sef the one with the matchete queried, still bringing the matchete to touch my chest. my name na Ug......, Adewale Azeez i cried out. I initially lied that my name was Adewale Azeez because Ayo; my friend in camp, once adviced me that if i found myself in danger in Yoruba land, i should just think of a Yoruba name and claim it as my name, that the name would save me alot of trouble, in this case the only name i could think of was Adewale Azeez. aah!! Omó Yoruba ní e one of them said. I tot they would want me to converse with them in Yoruba, that would have been the beginning of my tears. They didnt. Instead, one of them said, as u no get ID card, that mean say u no be corper, u be theif, lie down!! he commanded. As i was about lying down, i saw from the corner of my eyes that Ilorin was walking up to them. Ilorin pleaded with them on my behalf in Yoruba for 10minutes. They freed me. Ilorin saved me again, for the third time. meet my friend An........, Victor i almost introduced Victor as Angom to Ireti, after he had warned me severely. Victor, its a pleasure meeting u Ireti said giving him a handshake. We were hanging out at Captain cook that evening. Well, i would not say Angom is the kind of handsome guy every sugar mummy dreamt of, but, him fine small sha, dat kin Desmond Elliot type na, black hunk. let me call my friend Funke to come meet us here Ireti said okay i responded. Althrough while we waited for Funke, Ireti was Admiring Angom, Abi dis one don dey like Angom? If she like, make she like am na, Agom fit fine pass me small, but i sabi Bleep pass am sha i tot. Here she comes!!! Ireti said gesturing at the door. I was dissappointed at what i saw. na dat old woman? i almost asked. I was praying in my mind that it shouldnt be the old woman, but a young lady walking behind her. My prayer wasnt answered, it was her. As Ireti was Introducing Angom to Funke, i almost laughed when i saw the look on Angoms face, it read: Flow i go kill u for house today, see the kin old woman wey u go give me. One thing was sure, i never made the choice, Ireti did. nawa oh!!! Wetin dis kin old woman dey find for young blood sef? She no know say she don old, if my grandMama senior dis one, e go be small i tot as i watched Angom and his newly found love walked hand in hand to where she parked her car outside. I and Ireti soon joined them outside. I almost shouted in surprise when i saw the kind of car Funke came with; Hummer 2. Funke told us they were both going straight to Blue angels Hotel. omo eeeh!! My guy Angom don hamma oh, the woman old but she get money wella, see d kin car wey she dey drive, make Angom satisfy her for bed oh i tot as they drove off. I was sure Angom would satisfy her, because like he always said: i dey score for their net like Drogba. I was sure he would score so many goals in Funkes net, but what i wasnt sure of was if those goals could fetch him money. how the tin go na? i asked Angom as we both sat under the tree in sch the next day, omo! e make sense oh, u know how much Funke give me after the thing? Angom said. how much na? i inquired, oboy, na 40k oh Angom said. guy i happy for u oh! i said, i actually envied him. Flow wen i dey nak Funke ehnnn, guy i fear wen she com silent oh, she silent for 1minute, fear catch me oh, i tink say she don die oh Angom said. hahahahahaha!!! take am easy with that old woman oh. I said, laughing at him. ehen, Flow u go follow me go buy something for market today oh Angom said, wetin u want make i follow u go buy? i asked. i wan buy home threatre na, so we go dey blast wella for my room he added. e go make sense oh, so wen we dey smoke igboh, we go dey blast tupac music, d music go make the igboh enter our brain wella, we go go buy am wen sch close i said. After sch, we took a bike to ilesa round about electronic market. I took Angom straight to the shop of Emeka; the ibo guy that i bought my Tv set from months back. Emeka was a very handsome guy, infact all my life, i havent seen a guy that is as fine as him. If i say he is more handsome than Ransom Noah, it is an understatement.As we bargained the price of the home threatre, i couldnt help but admire his fine face. He looked more like a gay. He asked me why i havent yet paid him a visit in his house. I told him i had been busy and i promised him i would come on Tuesday. Our conversation was strictly in Ibo language. After the purchase was made, i asked Emeka for his address, he wrote it on a shit of paper and gave it to me telling me he would be expecting me on Tuesday evening. I was happy i had made a new friend, not knowing it would be a very wierd friendship. Angom, make the post na, Ilorin don go collect ball come i said to Angom as we were set to play football outside our compound one evening. Ilorin came, not only with the ball but with some boys, his eyeh brothers. Flow them dis guys say them go play with us oh Ilorin said. ok na, no wahala i responded. Ilorin conversed with them in Yoruba for some minutes and said, Angom dem say make we gamble with them oh, say dem no dey like play if money no dey involve oh Ilorin shouted from a far distance. Angom tot of it for few seconds an said, no wahala, ask dem say how much-how much we go set. Ilorin spoke again to them in Yoruba and said, dem say if we get mind make we set 8k. If there is one thing in life i dreaded, its gamble. So I, Angom, Ilorin and Sammy brought 2k each to make the 8k. I was sure we would win them because Ilorin was like Lionel Messi up front, Angom and Sammy was like Steven Gerald and Frank Lampard respectively, while i stood at the back like Nemandja Vidic. Kelvin was in reserve. In Monkey post, no referee, no rules, you play anyhow with your target as the goal post. I was sure no goal would enter our net because i stood like a mountain that cant be moved behind. They also had one of their player in reserve. Their man in reserve was drinking from a big bottle of dry gin dis tin wey dis guy dey drink, him heart no dey burn i tot, considering the fact that if i was the one drinking it, my heart would have totally burnt down, i would have been heartless. Our man Kelvin in reserve was holding our phones. The money was kept on the floor, at a corner, under a stone. The game started. I saw a fierce battle between Ilorin and one of their player, Ilorin collected the ball, passed back to me, Ilorin no dey pass dis kin back pass oh, make own goal no go happen for here oh i tot and i passed to Angom. Five minutes and no goal, maybe it was because the two sides concentrated on their defence in other not to concieve a goal because whoever scores first carries the day. Now, one of their player was heading towards me, he ran at a very high speed with a great zeal to dribble me and score. dis one wan dribble me abi, him no fit pass me oh i tot, not knowing he had a different plan. An evil plan. He passed the ball to another player, and let out a kick to my dick. I fell to the floor like an Iloko tree shouting, i don die oh!!, my blockus don burst oh!! Make una help me oh!!. GOAL!! GOAL!! GOAL!!!, they had scored us. I tot i felt something watery rolling down my right lap, abi my blockus don burst? i asked myself as i continued shouting, make una help me oh!!, my guys came to my rescue dragging me up. Angom said, Flow ur blockus don burst oh, u no go fit give woman belle be that oh, na ur papa blockus burst i cursed and they all laughed. My balls were seriously giving me disturbing pains, so i went to Ilorin to ask him if he had anything i could apply that would relieve the pains.If only i could tell the future, i wouldnt have gone to Ilorins room that night. Ilorin u get anything wey i go fit rub for this my blockus wey go make am stop to dey pain me? i asked as i entered Ilorins room. i get na, take dis tin he said handing a stunt bottle container to me. Rub dis tin for there, e go stop, nahim i rub wen i get boil for my nyash, the boil com disappear one time he added. wetin be the name of dis tin na? i asked. the name na Aboniki, my uncle dey work for the company wey dey produce am, so anytime wey i go him house i dey collect plenty Ilorin said. how i go take use am na? i inquired. u go first baf, if u baf finish, u go com rub am, e go pepper u oh, but na only small e go pepper u he responded. i no want anything wey go pepper me oh i said, if e no pepper u that mean say e no work na? nahim make me say make u baf, if u baf com rub am, e no go pepper u pass 1minute, e go com stop and ur blockus sef go stop to pain u he assured, not knowing he was fooling me. I was very happy i had gotten the final solution to the pains in my balls, not knowing i was holding a bottle that would bring me tears. I took my bath, stared at the bottle and saw ABONIKI BALM written boldly on it. As i sat in my room alone, i had concluded that immediately after i had finished applying the elixir i would hit the bed and sleep, not knowing ABONIKI would murder my sleep that night. I applied it on the affected area. I waited for 20seconds for the burning sensation Ilorin warned. It started, it was increasing by every seconds count. yeeeeh!!! I don die oh, dis thing dey pepper oh i shouted. The sensation increased, this time unbearable. my blockus oh!! Ilorin don kill me oh!! i shouted at the peak of my voice. I flung the Aboniki container on the floor and rushed out n*aked shouting, Fire oh!!! Fire oh!!! Fire!!! Fire!!!. where fire!!! where the fire!! Angom shouted running towards me. fire eeeh!! My blockus dey burn for fire oh!! i cried pointing to my dick. Angom laughed uncontrollably. bring water oooh!! i shouted at Angom. He searched all the buckets in the compound, but non was containing water. As i ran to the bathroom, i saw a dirty looking bucket containing something that looked like water. I hurriedly poured the water on my body......................... Aaaaaah!!! Shit water!!! i cried out, as i remembered it was the same bucket Mama Alhaja always poo on because she couldnt bend down to use our pit toilet. WATCHOUT FOR EPISODE 13
Posted on: Fri, 15 Aug 2014 12:50:40 +0000
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