Everything happens all around you. It is all a blur, all a regurgitated notion, until you are the recipient. Until you are the centre of the chaos. Then it is surreal, then it is too real to understand, too real to really know, because you have never been the centre of gravity. You are insignificant, and mean very little to the world, in its entirety. When you are at the centre of death, emotion, chaos and effect, you tend to acknowledge life for what it is. A fleeting moment, tainted in memory. You try to hold on, when there is nothing tangible, you try and understand, when perception flew into the black hole of existence, right before your eager, fool-ridden eyes. Suddenly empathy becomes experience, and you are the subject; to such a trait. Unable to articulate the severity of your condition, you say what you can put into words, and cry out the rest. You try and tell another, what you are feeling, only to know too well, it is insufficient to honour a life. You reminisce as though it was yesterday, when it was... indeed, yesterday–– realising that today is a world of difference, it is too much to comprehend and bear. Too much to acknowledge and understand, to much to really be. So you cope, the only way you know how, and that is your right. Completely impotent, unable, useless–– to the already disappeared entity, you hold dear to your heart. Lost, dazed and confused with your surroundings, everything seems different, life seems like nothing, life seems like a stall, for what awaits, and what has taken your beloved. Others around you have been through this experience, but none have been you, through this experience. You react like you never knew you would, you observe yourself, as you feel it sinking in. Why, you ask? Why now, you ask? How, you ask? Really?????… you ask. The night sky, that a few hours ago gave you comfort, speaks of things you know nothing about. It knows of eternity, of loss, of hope, of the inevitable, and the obsolete. It is more than you; and you surrender to its knowledge. Tears, bring a level of release, but unfortunately… nothing more. understanding, for once is your eternal enemy. Wishing it is all a terrible nightmare, that you will awake from, yet knowing nothing, will be as it was... again. So much of you tries to understand life, its mystery and its ambiguity. So much of you wants more, needs more, your selfishness shows your attachment to something that was never yours. You feel entitled to feel, yet you are just an observer in a world of images, experience and memories. Moments become a lifetime, that you wish could last forever. An abundance of questions, guilt, and feelings, you never tapped into... really. Patience seems like a quaint notion, forged to make you hope, for what will never arrive. So many times, you have been the instigator of advice, so many times you have spoken… of what you do not comprehend. You have taken, felt and loved something temporary, someone transcendent, you have lived with something ephemeral. Life, a compilation of experience and love, of loss, pain, passion, ignorance and reality, that breaks down before your eyes to make way… for unattainable want, desire and affection. Searching eagerly through the darkness, trying to find the luminance to bring back, what you have lost. Love, has to be enough, it has to be sufficient, it has to mean more… than now. Forever searching for the lost, forever wanting, escapism from reality and truth. It hurts too much, it fails to satisfy, it knows nothing of emotion. © Rocio Belinda Mendez
Posted on: Mon, 10 Mar 2014 03:38:50 +0000
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