Facebook Status Updates for the Weekend: Ben Affleck to play Batman in the new movie. Which can only mean one thing… Matt Damon as Robin. Great Achievements Involve Great Risk. May your life be as awesome as you pretend it is on Facebook. Dear girls, If a guy pauses a video game to text you back…marry him. Life Truth: It’s impossible to order at Subway without saying “ummm”. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. If someone texts “K”, just reply with “L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z”. The moment of joy when you see your food coming in a restaurant. Life is Hard; it’s harder if you’re stupid. No medicine, you are not “grape flavored”. Have you ever tasted a grape? You taste like death and the tears of small children, not grape. Stop scrolling, you need sleep ✋�� Do you ever feel bad about not feeling bad about something you should feel bad about? My dentist told me I need a crown. I was like I KNOW, RIGHT? We should really thank our Dads for bringing us into this world since our Moms were probably tired and not in the mood. I replied “maybe” to your Facebook event out of respect for the inherent uncertainty of life’s journey. That awkward moment when you’re taking a shower and your foot slips and your life flashes before your eyes. Bacon, I will always love you. A quiet man is a thinking man. A quiet woman is usually mad. I go to sleep every night thinking of you. Technically, music becomes medication in terms of insomnia prevention. An hour of music each day relieves insomnia by 70%
Posted on: Sun, 25 Aug 2013 18:07:35 +0000