Fan Sharing her story I was barley 18 and had just got married to a man that I had known for only 12 days. At 4 weeks into our marriage I found out I was pregnant, trying to sign up for the army. Lets be honest, I was far from excited, until at 8 weeks and 3 days I had my first ultrasound, and I couldnt help but fall in love and cry at the miracle that was inside of me. At my 15 week check-up as soon as the ultrasound came on the screen I knew something wasnt right. My baby that I fell so madly in love with, was the exact same size it was at my last one. How could this be? How could I have seen my healthy heart beating precious child the same day it had passed away??? I had my first d&c July 20, 2004. In November 2004, I found out we were pregnant again, this time immediately elated. At 7 weeks we heard the heartbeat. I started bleeding 5 days later, I got to my doctors office as soon as possible the same day. There was no heart beat, and the baby had simply disappeared( leaving only the sac as proof) in late Jan 05 I had my second d&c. Heart broke my doctor suggested blood work. 20 tunes of blood later, they call me with the news. I have a blood clotting disorder called.PAI-1 on top of a mutation called MTHFR, full term.pregnancy is a high possibility with blood thinners. March of 2005, yay, we are pregnant again. I go to my doctor and get on the blood thinners. (Sticking a needle in my stomach every day) first ultrasound shows TWINS! oh Lord, I am blessed but what am I going to do with twins? Can we handle that? Are we stable.enough?? I gladly.accept we are having twins. 7 weeks 4 days both beautiful beating heart twinkling on the screen. 4 days later I wake up in a pool of blood, all I can do at this point is scream. My husband takes.me to the doctor. Into the ultrasound room I go, with the fact I already know what I will see. The machine flickers on- there was only one baby now BUT this baby still had a heart beat. Though I was saddened and heart broke over the loss of.one baby, I still had another one to care for. That night I sat in full blown labor for 5 hours until I had my other child. (At 8 weeks, not much there but a mother knows). This turns into the most darkest deepest ugliest 1.5 of my life. I remember NOTHING. my husband tells me Iwould.ccarry a baby doll, I made him purchase me, around and tell people it was my child. I have photos of me with this baby doll. He tells me I did nothing, that when he would leave for work I would drop to the floor like a child and cling to his leg and cry and beg him to stay home with me. Im not sure what snapped me back to reality, but Im glad it did. We decided that since God wasnt going to grant us with our own child right now, we could be a loving home for children that had no where to go. So.we signed up.to be foster.parents. for a little.over a year we provided a warm.loving home to 8 foster children, and as happy as we werr to see them be able to return home, we were still left broken hearted.Then we decided it was time to try to have our own family. In Sept of 2007 we found out we were pregnant again. This time i did nothing, I did my blood thinners but I did nothing and in June 2008 we welcomed our son into the world. Then we welcomed our oldest daughter into the world in 2010. And though we felt our family was complete God saw it differently. He gave another daughter we welcomed into the world in March of 2013. I told you my story to tell all you mommas out there. To never loose faith, never loose hope, and never loose sight of God. Even though you may want a child of your own right this minute, there are children in states custody that is praying when they get taken away from their mommas to at least go to a home where the persons heart is so very full of love that they know they are well taken care of, and in some cases those same children can be your own rainbow child. If my husband and I hadnt had successful pregnancies, we would have went back to foster care, and to this day we are.still considering it just to show these babies without that there is love still in this world. #MiscarriageMamas
Posted on: Tue, 30 Dec 2014 15:10:00 +0000
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