Found this from 2 years ago: 3:04 in the morning… and i find myself swarmed with recognizable thoughts of never amounting to enough. it is a sick and repetitive uphill battle trying to consistently believe in myself; an awkward fumbling about as i build, destruct, and reconstruct my ego in a foreign, yet familiar cyclical pattern. maybe this year was too good to me, and it frightens me that i may never experience anything like it again; i am scared that it will all be taken away because somewhere in the long run people will realize that i’m probably not as brilliant as they think i am. but i think that i do need to teach myself some lessons and not allow the fears and technicalities of the brain to fully cloud and corrupt the passions of the heart. they must work as a team in collaboration with each other, like rungs on a DNA strand. it’d be me following my heart while letting my mind guide me. to further illustrate this dilemma personally, my brain is telling me that the peak of my brilliance may have already passed me, that i cannot possibly offer anything better to the world than what i had already given it; but my heart is saying that despite the possibility of the brain being correct, trudge forward. you not only owe to the passion of the craft, but to the sheer fact that it makes you happy, and therefore whether you are the best, the worst, better than before, or less than before, trudge forward for it will feed your soul regardless.
Posted on: Sun, 26 Jan 2014 11:19:35 +0000
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