From a member: Medication, darkness, despair and sleepless nights. Those big and small things in everyday life that increase the stress. Empty and absent gaze. That feeling of not being present. Anxiety, panic, grief and fear. Nightmares, flashbacks and uncontrolled anger. Brief moments of well-being, but mostly an existence in the haze. The overall fear that she will get tired, give up, choose a more stable and carefree life. Knowing that the demon is there under the surface and just waiting. The demon whose name is self-medication and whose impact is a ruined life, AGAIN. Gratitude that she is there and picks up the bits and pieces when I fall, over and over again. That feeling of not deserving what we have. The joy of actually having a family that actually stays. The joy of periodically feeling good and enjoying life. Frustration over the panic, anger and anxiety, towards other people, unfamiliar environments, people in the store, motorists, kids running around playing, high/unexpected noises, smells, sights, constantly scanning the surrounding areas for threats. Powerlessness and anger over the fact that no one around you understands and that those who want to understand asks the wrong or stupid questions. Comments by type: But that was so long ago, snap up, you went there voluntarily, which makes you want to hit somebody/something totally apart. But thats the way it works, the companion who is constantly there, PTSD.
Posted on: Sat, 12 Apr 2014 20:00:00 +0000
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