From weightless: Power of a Trigger As I sit before the ocean, a sudden sense of peace sweeps over me. How can a body of water so vast, so powerful, be so peaceful? The roars of the waves are soothing to my soul…so uncontrollable, yet controlled. Lord, you are the sea; you are so vast, so powerful, yet soothing to my soul, while I am so out of control. I am able to rest in you because you are in control. The food stronghold in my life was like a wave, a tidal wave, a response to factors outside of me. Just like the ocean responds to the sun and the moon, I responded to my triggers. A trigger in my life would be the beginning of a tidal wave. It was automatic. There would be no turning back. Once the wave began to form, it wouldn’t end until it broke and came crashing down, crashing down into the binge/purge cycle. I allowed the trigger to give me permission to practice bulimia, because I thought that was my only choice, my only option, my only relief. The life that I had been trying to control was really out of control. After a wave crashes on the shore it becomes a peaceful pool of water. Right before it crashes is when you do have a choice. The wave becomes a wave as soon as it is triggered. There is no turning back. When I was triggered, temptation entered and I couldn’t resist. I also felt that there was no turning back. My only choice was to go to the eating behavior. I was led to believe...deceived...that my only option was to binge/purge or starve myself. How else was I to respond? I never knew that I had another choice. Do you realize that you have a choice not to choose?"
Posted on: Tue, 27 Aug 2013 15:08:23 +0000
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