“GOLDEN FOOTSTEPS” Have you ever had a feeling that you knew you were about to die? Every morning that you wake up, aside from that mysterious dream that you had last night; the morning is tasteless and it’s up to you to eat the right information throughout the day in order to feel somewhat “at ease” about everything! For the past couple of months I have been feeling like I know my time is coming, and those dreams, those dreams have been like night mares, showing my before it approaches me. As I sit back on top of my blanket, not too anxious to go to sleep, I reflect on my life before I turn twenty-five! I started out an orphan, amongst many of others in my generation; I too was placed in foster care before could say the word “ma” or “mom”. I was given up by my birth parents, Debra Jean Johnson and Joseph Clark Sr. at the age of three, and the next fourteen years of my life would turn out to be what I “still” can’t seem to get over. Twenty-six different foster homes, dozens of different group homes, and many different schools; both elementary and middle. I was finally adopted at the age of seventeen by who was initially my case worker; Verneesha Banks. However, the thought of me having to go to another place never seems to go away. Perhaps it was entirely too many bad memories of what we all call “family”, and still not one of my own; no wife and no kids. Although I was placed in foster care, I was still able to maintain connections with my two biological brothers; Jessie Johnson and Joseph Clark. Joseph being the oldest; and it’s been almost a decade and a half since I’ve seen him; I am afraid to face it but the system has my brother and I don’t think I’ll ever get to see him again; Joseph. Jesse, Jesse again is my youngest brother; biologically. He has a son now and a family of his own. I get a chance to see him every once and a while; well enough to trust that he’ll continue to make good decisions, if not for himself, then for his little one, my nephew; “Rashad”. It came a time in life that Jessie and I could no longer stay in foster homes together, so we would split, but through every, and any form of communication, we would stay in touch! At this time, around the age of me being eleven and twelve, he was in one place, and I myself was in several others. For some reason he wasn’t in as many placements as I was, I don’t know, maybe it was because of my age, or maybe because he was always the charmer and my charm only worked when no one was around; but by then it’d be too late. I was two steps out the door and headed for another placement. By the time I was fifteen, I had already been in the foster care system for twelve years, I had been in over twenty foster homes and orphanages and my education was all over the place. In my middle school years, I can recall being in three schools; an alternative school in which I graduated from, post secondary from “Sara Scott” and John Burroughs Middle School; and an alternative school which was called “South West Keys”. There, I would graduate and was entered into Rufus King High School under the guide lines and restrictions that I was learning disabled and needed behavioral modification. For the next four years of my teenage years, I would finally be able to adapt into a social environment. This being the first time I was able to “grow” on someone on my own. I’d say that the moments with all of the people I went to high school with were rather pleasant! My freshman year, it was the ice breaker. Word would soon get out that I was the uncontrollable, bad, “stupid”, kid. My sophomore year, I took notice to the cliques. I still had my own way of doing things; but, I begin to set out to prove people wrong. I was called uncontrollable. I am assuming that because of the amount of times my behavior would have to be corrected, and a few seconds, well hours later, that correction would be neglected. It is funny now, but for the people that dealt with me as “crisis stabilizers and therapists” on a daily bases; Bill Brooks, Jackie Eckman, and Ali Ambroso and Mr. Brown. My IEP teacher, and Verneesha Banks, my foster mom (I hadn’t yet been adopted). It was one of those things they could have done without. I could imagine their frustrations now. Looking back, I greatly appreciate them for not giving up on me. Now, inspired to rid myself of such names and labels, I’ve found love and passion for expressing myself through music and art. Finding love for writing music was like a child getting his first Christmas present; the feeling will always be remembered. Every since then, I have yet to put the pen down. No, I do not know as much music history as I believe that I should, but I seek knowledge of living it every day! The feeling of being out of place at times overwhelms me to the point that I “want” to fit in, but with not too many other things that I am interested in, I find it hard to do anything other than write, read, and collect new information on living life through music which makes it hard; especially living in Milwaukee, WI. To go back a bit; I started doing music in 2005, my junior year in high school. I had begun working with a guy by the name of Jayton Klayborn: and he would soon become like a brother to me. I graduated in 2006 and pursued working in order to pay off for the sessions in hours that I had been in the studio. From this experience, I learned that to get anything out of life, I would have to put something in. I began to put my all into it, and in return I began to have my voice heard by people that I never would have met, had it not been for the seeds that I sewed in music. I was hardly doing any shows at the time, but I was socially putting my material on social sites. As my musical name began to generate through popularity, I was becoming well know as “Keiz Vantosh”; in its original meaning, it simply means, “The Key to Change”. Deep in heart I was still myself, Jerome “Vantosh” Johnson. “Keiz” is known for speaking what’s at mind, showing up to the club unannounced, and posting pictures and statuses on Facebook; and Jerome is the heart inside of me that just wises that people would know, or care to know who I really was; or for better words, “how genuine my heart is.” By this I mean, as I post rap videos, create lyrics for people to interpret, and put up pictures which hardly reminds you of me when you see me in person, my cause and desire is merely nothing but to obey the human heart, and to express the good nature of freedom through art. It hurts to know that at this day in age, you can’t, or it would be considered out of order to act off impulse, and to do whatever you wanted to do because it is in your heart. Or is that statement at all true; do we as human beings think before we think about everything that we do before we do it? Is it out of the normal to follow the heart in which was given to us? And does the consequences come from not planning or are we here for specific purposes initially and making mistakes are a part of life that everyone must do in order to move forward towards true destiny. I ask these questions now because my life has been centered around me going with my heart, but, now, at this point, at this exact moment, my heart is weak, and I know no other place to go for answers but the words of God; and as it has been written. In Jesus’ name I shall be healed. Matthew 6:25 “There for I say to you take no thought of your life. What shall you ear, or what shall you drink. Do not worry about what you shall wear. Look at the birds in the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet they are feed. Are you not more valuable than them? Who of any human by worrying can add a single hour to your life?” After six years of doing music within the city of Milwaukee, WI. I have decided to do something different. I wanted to challenge myself mentally, physically, and I was spiritually tested on numerous occasions as well. In the fall of 2010 I enrolled into a college nearly one thousand miles away from what I had considered to be “home”. I was lucky enough to have been accompanied by some familiar faces. However, semester by semester they all would transfer and/or leave and I would end the end of my sophomore year of college with only one other familiar face around. With lots of good people around, I entered college as a twenty two year old freshman, and I finished up my sophomore year at the age of twenty-four. I will be twenty five in about one week. I feel like I will be dying soon. Now that I have broken down my “life”, I must explain what I mean by “dying”. The feeling of having done everything you could in life and not knowing what else to do is a bad feeling. Especially when your still not quite satisfied with everything you have done. Being in school is a great place to learn but life teaches its own lessons. I would love to go back to school in the south but the truth is I won’t be able to. I was able to bring my cumulative grade up to a 3.1, but the fact is that I have no work history in Jackson, TN and no place to stay at while I am enrolled in school. I have been forced to re-reside in Milwaukee while taking up a “photo specialist” position at a nearby Walgreens. Now the thought of having to modify my life so that I may remain sane kicks in. Be employed or deploy and sign myself to a record label while aiming to be the best artist of 2013 arises as a rhetorical question. Which sounds more realistic at this point in my life? Wait for it, wait for it! After waiting so long, it’s been a whole year now! I ask myself again, what seems and would make more sense? Working laborious jobs where you can grow and learn in, but there is no way to survive on your “own” with just one. Or become the best rapper of all time!? Since I’ve been making friends, things have been a whole lot better. Not easier, but just better. I have come to an understanding as a man that life is not always about what you do not have, the “things” that do not have, and the people that aren’t in your life. But it is more meaningful to appreciate the people and things that you are still around. At times, more times than not, it can seem like you are the only one that thinks like you, but what’s funny is that the person next to you might be thinking the exact same thing! “Are you thinking what I am thinking?” It may be time to start working with the negatives! The things you could never imagine doing, those things and that when “truth and happiness well be displayed”. From an artist to an artist, from a man to a man, from a gentleman to a woman, from a brother to a sister, from a son to the sun; this was truly a great experience on earth; and each day is more special!!! @followmecam on Twitter and thanks for the add on here!
Posted on: Sat, 22 Jun 2013 03:11:12 +0000
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