GUEST COMMENTARY PARENTAL ALIENATION DURING THE HOLIDAYS Janice Dennis Published: December 4, 2013 1:00PM During the holidays, millions of children from divorced families will be spending time with their parents separately. But what happens when a parent engages in parental alienation -- a systematic campaign to discredit the other parent and alienate the child. Parental alienation is becoming a major problem for American children. Systematic Campaign of Alienation: Parental alienation is a systematic campaign of character assassination. It is not gender related or age related. One parent is determined to alienate the childs affections toward the other parent or toward a grandparent. It is most prevalent in child custody cases and it is worse at the holidays as parents have increased access to their children. Spans the Range: Parental Alienation spans the range from outright malicious intent, legal battles and reckless accusations to careless, self serving comments that undermine the childs view of their parent. Emotional Abuse of Children: Parental Alienation is a form of emotional abuse of the child. As one expert said, Bad mouth your ex and you simultaneously bad mouth your child.. (Richard Warshak, Ph.D.) Legitimized by Self Absorbed Culture: Most divorces involve pain and suffering and parental alienation flourishes in a family culture of dissent and conflict. However, the epidemic of narcissism that has defined our country in recent years legitimizes winning at any cost. Savage and unethical behavior is justified even if it involves waging war against an innocent party. Parents engage in Parental Alienation because of the following reasons: Revenge: There are complex reasons to explain this behavior but all explanations boil down to one principle reason. People receive secondary gain from inflicting pain on people they believe have wronged them. The mind of the child becomes the battlefield for revenge. Child is Perceived as a Possession: For some parents, adequate boundaries with their children are absent. The child is perceived as an extension of themselves. Compensating for Inadequacy and Guilt: Parents may try to resolve their low self-esteem and sense of failure by reinforcing their belief that they are the best parent. Posturing as the superior parent makes them feel better, even if it is at the expense of their own child. They have no conscience about the suffering of the child and the other parent. Children suffer from parental alienation in the following ways: Brainwashed by Lies: hese kids are basically brainwashed and now regard their targeted parent as the enemy or as a worthless afterthought. This kind of betrayal can occur even in the most tender and loving relationships. Tragically, such division can last for years. Contempt, Rejection and Disrespect: They show contempt, rejection and disrespect for the targeted parent. These comments are often irrational, insulting and traumatizing to the targeted parent. Rehearsed Answers: They have been taught to orient to the controlling needs of the alienating parent at all costs. They are often unable to specify why they dislike the targeted parent, or they exaggerate faults of their parent to justify their rejection. Their comments parrot the alienators words and feelings. Long Term Damage: There is minimal data on the long-term effects of such alienation on kids. However, we do know that the earlier the separation from a parent, the more traumatic it is for the child. The basic tenants of loving relationships - trust, loyalty and forgiveness are never learned and the child may struggle for a lifetime because of these experiences. Parents can protect themselves and their children by taking the following steps: Educate Yourself: arental Alienation can be an elusive phenomenon to prove especially in a highly intense forum such as child custody. Remain Calm: Understand that you have been systematically undermined and that you are taking every step to remediate the situation. Focus on what you can control and dont stress about other factors. Do not lose your temper, reject your child or insult your ex in front of your child. Work with Great Experts: Hire a psychologist and a lawyer who are proven experts in parental alienation. The therapist must acknowledge the massive psychological impact such alienation has on the child and targeted parent. Your attorney needs to possess a solid understanding of this type of emotional abuse and the substantial legal skills to protect your child and your interests. Janice Dennis is part of the Parental Alienation Awareness Organization, Ohio Chapter. She lives in Cambridge.
Posted on: Fri, 19 Dec 2014 17:49:36 +0000
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