Genesis & I attended the OKC Spirit Fair with my mom tonight. I, like so many people, initially questioned the validity of a medium at this type of event, but I figured it was worth trying. What happened this evening blew me away. Every time the medium would say a name, place, or other identifying information, someone would invariably gasp, then call out thats me, or thats my ---. I watched the woman closely to see if she led by suggestion, or allowed the audience to supply the answers. She did not. Instead, once the person claimed their loved one, she proceeded to share detail after message after detail, rarely pausing for affirmation. After nearly 45 minutes of her being correct in each word she spoke, I was sure she was not pretending. When she first called out to me, I was afraid to call out... I didnt know for sure the message was mine. She said This is a man... a young man. Whats young... maybe 25? He wants to talk to Kim. She has a brother, Sean... he says shell know him. He wants to tell you that hes sorry... that he didnt tell you enough while he was alive, but that he loves you, that he always loved you. He says you taught him so much in life, gave him so much knowledge, & he is grateful to you for everything you did for him. He has watched over you since his passing... he says he has seen you grow in Spirit, that you have made progress but that you are not where you need to be - that you need to continue to grow & evolve & you have work left to do. He also says that he wants you to start standing up for yourself - that you need to learn to say no to others, to hold your own. He wants you to know that he IS happy, that hes finally well... he did find peace, & he is with you. I was stunned. I had no idea what to say. While she moved on to the next message, & I quietly rose, & took Genesis to the back of the room. Kneeling on the floor, I fought back tears as I told Adam that I wanted to believe, but I still had doubt in my heart. I said I hadnt forgotten him, & begged him not to forget me - that I spoke of him constantly, & I needed him to speak to me now: something direct, something concrete... something that left no doubt it was him. I began singing Vampire Heart (one of our songs) to him in my head... & told him that he had to tell her about us - our identity - & about our music, so I could be sure. Then, the second message came. Immediately after I ceased speaking to him, the medium paused as well. Then she said something that knocked the breath out of me. Adam & Eve... does that mean anything to anyone? Adam... & Eve. Because Adam is with Spirit, but his other half - his Eve - shes here... Nicole? He wants you to know that he is well, that things are wonderful. Where before, everything was dark, there are just the brightest colors ever. He says he doesnt want you to hold onto the guilt you carry for passing out at the end. He made some mistakes while he was on the Earth plane, & he knows that, but that hes grown since he was there, that things are really good for him now. He says he checks on you, visits you often; that he brings you those bursts of positive energy, when youre suddenly happy out of the blue. I just feel so much love, so much light for you from him. He wants me to tell you that no, he doesnt have bad feelings at all for you - to stop those would have done or should have done, because now he is well. He doesnt think like that. (long pause) And he does communicate with you through music, through songs. Maybe on the radio, or just at the right moment... thats him. Let me be clear on these messages: For those of you who dont know, my birth name is Kimberlin Nicole. I never use it, & theres no way she could have known it. Adam did. I do have (an adopted) brother named Sean - Smokey, who is one of Adam & Is best friends. I was the one who opened his 3rd eye, & introduced him to the path of true spirituality we walked together - things which he thanked me for repeatedly throughout his life. On the way to the convention, Mom & I were having a conversation about how I will defend others to the death, but cant stand up for myself - that I often let people mistreat me, because I feel fighting back would hurt them, making me, in turn, feel worse about myself for harming someone else. No one heard the conversation but us... & him. Adam & I had this thing... everyone called us Edward & Bella, because we were twin flames, whose (sometimes tumultuous) relationship was written in the stars. And, like Adam & Eve, we were made of the the same heart, the same mind, the same flame... & our souls were inseparable. When the medium told us to think of the two things we wanted most to know, & silently ask our loved ones for answers, my questions were are you truly happy? The decision to end your life was your right... but I need to know that it brought you peace, & did I disappoint you by not being there for you that night?. He answered both - plainly, in the order I asked them. The guilt I had been carrying came about when I did not answer 3 back-to-back calls from him on the last night of his life. My phone was dying; I texted him & said so, but also that I would call once it charged. He said not to worry about it - he loved me, & would talk to me in the morning. I intended to call anyways... but fell asleep instead, waiting for a full battery. When I awoke in the morning, I called him first thing... but he didnt answer, because he was already gone. I have hated myself for falling asleep (passing out at the end) every day since - & he knew that, & made sure to address in detail the pain I have suffered over failing him that night. And last, but certainly not least... every time I had court for Gabe, every time was grappling with the urge to end my life & join my best friend, & even the night I very nearly drowned in the flood, my phone (with 697 songs on random) played one or more of our songs directly prior to all these desperate moments. I dont think Ive cried this much since the day Adam left this world. But for the first time, the tears feel cleansing, rather than numbing... there is peace in the stillness, & joy in the knowledge that he forgave me. I still cant wrap my head around it all. Im just glad Mom was there & heard it too... she even managed to record part of it. I have listened to it 20 times since we got home... those words are a healing balm on wounds I was sure would never go away. After 20 long months of raw, devastating grief, I finally, FINALLY can begin to heal. 831, my dark angel. Youre my own, personal brand of heroin... & true love never dies.
Posted on: Mon, 06 Oct 2014 03:31:23 +0000
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