Getting mom to do anything she doesnt want is like trying to get a cement mixer through a mouse hole. She screams, she pinches, she cries. We needed her to stand up tonight to get her weight for the dr. We made it as easy as possible- the scale was on a board right next to the bed. All she had to do was stand up. The first try she wouldnt straighten her legs and cried that we were being mean. The second try W had to hold her up as little as possible and I made sure she didnt lift her foot as she likes to do (for a woman who cant stand up she can lift one foot off the ground and not tip over!), dad was making sure she didnt fall to the side (another thing she likes to do when she doesnt want to do what we need her to do). As soon as we had her weight, she pushed off with her legs and started screaming that we were hurting her. Im sorry mom, but when you refuse to move and lay in bed all day- every move is going to hurt. I cant help that. I have to get your weight for the dr. I sure as hell cant get you out of the house to go to the dr- if you fight me standing next to the bed youre going to be pure hell on snow/ice in the driveway or parking lot. Anyhow, W had to pick her up to get her back in bed because she folded her legs and was trying to do her youre making me fall (she tells you this as she lets her legs fold) move. W is much stronger and smarter than that so he picked her up and set her on the bed in a sitting position as he told her youre okay, no one is trying to hurt you. She didnt like that he could move her in one swift motion and told me she hates him as soon as he left the room. I was getting her situated back in bed on her pillows and she pinched me in the boob- twice. I yelled at her. I told her enough was enough and to stop it. She went to pinch me a third time and I swatted at her hand. As soon as I swatted at her (I didnt connect) she threw her head back (the same head she couldnt move seconds prior to get comfy on her pillow) and started sobbing and arguing with me. I hate you. You dont love me. Youre hurting me. are just a few of the wonderful things I got told tonight as I adjusted her pillows, made sure her diaper was in place and covered her up. Then as I put her oxygen hose thing back in her nose she screamed like I was trying to slice her throat. I clenched my teeth and said ENOUGH! Stop all this acting up. Youre pushing your limits. Because I didnt say the words super loud she had to stop screaming and listen to me. There were no tears so I know I wasnt hurting her. Mom has always been great at playing the victim and crying and whining to get her way. On days like today, she tries to play it for all its worth. On her bad days, we can do the same things to her and not get any screaming or crying or fit throwing. But on the days when her mind is with her, she needs to get her SAG card! As I left the room I heard her start up with the sobbing again to dad as he was trying to get comfy to go to sleep. I heard him tell her to knock it off a few times. He fell asleep and she stopped arguing as soon as he started snoring. Its very hard not to get impatient with her and scream right back at her. Ive had to yell over her screaming and fit throwing to get her to do what I need. Its very hard not to smack her back after she smacks me or pinch her for pinching me. Trying to get her to be logical and do what is asked is like trying to staple jell-o to a wall. I stomp down the stairs to get my frustration out, I post here, sometimes I cry, sometimes I grab my Dammit Doll (a dear friend gave me it for my birthday this year) and beat it up against a chair or the wall. Tonight I was worried about someone reading this and accusing me of abusing her. But you know what, I know were not. Were doing what we have to do to get her the help we need (we had to have her weight to show shes losing). We take care of her better than a nursing home would. So instead of walking away and telling her to get f*$@ed, I take a deep breath and keep doing what I need to so that she is taken care of. I make sure she doesnt go without food or drink, I make sure she doesnt sit all day in a dirty diaper, I make sure she is warm and I tell her I love her every day multiple times. As Ive said before, mom and I were never buds as so many thought- she can put on a great act and I knew better than to go against her- I am here to take care of her no matter how rotten she was to me. I refuse to be as cruel to her as she was to me. So if you read this and feel the need to say anything negative- hit the unlike button first. Im hard enough on myself without anyone elses help. To the rest of you that read this and offer your support and prayers- Im forever grateful. -Composer
Posted on: Mon, 05 Jan 2015 04:36:31 +0000
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