Good morning FB, I have a dose a hush here to deliver!! When you position yourself to be a public figure in any form (activist, pageantry, politician, semi public and public entities and the like) as with everything else comes the additions of positive and negative attention. Get ready I WOKE UP IN MY ZONE TODAY....... As a young girl I always wondered to myself why I always placed myself in these awkward positions that would lead to me to always having all eyes on me (melleh, say say, bring come carry man you name it....) a bunch of NEGATIVE ATTENTION!!! As I grew older came the exposure of my raw talents singing (choir, entertainment in between shows, dance group and ballet with the late May Green...), acting (drama plays, queen shows, song festivals etc) a new set of POSITIVE ATTENTION!!! Then during and more so at the end of my struggle to complete college (took me 7 years to earn my BA & BS as I kept failing deegon Math so found myself with 3 extra full semesters of 12 credit courses and those who know the international student situation of an American education will one time identify that is a whole other degree! So no it wasnt a double major; in order to get the ONE degree I went for I had to take 3 semesters to pass MATH SO i end up with two Bachelor Degrees..... BUT GOD) anyhow during this time, I got caught up in the business of buying and selling cars (who know Tamara Leonard know she loved the idea of business from mawnin) which requires great risk and fell in wah I call a lil jam due to gamble, compromise and risk for more business all in all I fell short on my delivery to the client!!!! Upon returning home I started my own business in the light of this MORE NEGATIVE ATTENTION with hope to recover and deliver to the clients...... Oh my goodness this was a time of nothing but HUMILIATION as that biz cost me a HARD FALL hundreds of thousands in the HOLE!!!! Now with the addition of owing even more than I started and now including police involvement etc! This only won me EVEN MORE PUBLIC NEGATIVE ATTENTION!!!! Oh how many nights I cried and wondered why me??? And after winning as many pageants and song festivals and always being involved publicly, I am/was miss popularity so EVERYBODY know meh, who ah foh en wat nog meer HOW EMBARRASSING even for my family!!!! ....again but God! Through the latter part of this I had a boyfriend/babydaddy/husband now friend for life who regardless stuck by me as far as this is concerned and always motivated me to keep pushing!!! You will make it Tamara just take your time and do what you gotta do! Dint give up!!! Thanks Deh!!! All through this as well, a selected set of friends thats stuck by me believing that I would one day live the vision I had from a child! And Lemme tell all you bout My got my back (blood related and non related) Family!!!! I just THANK GOD FOR THEM!!! Anyways..... After the fall of biz number one; My very small circle (becuz by then the big circle of friends scattered and vanished in the thin air) said T go look work! Build yourself pay who you owe and start fresh!!! Here came my experience with my employment as a HR Director of a big Company where I learned very fast that I could please all the people all the time and that sometimes for the sake of the big picture you will have to hurt a selected few..... Well if you think all the attention above was anything??? Lemme tell all you by the time the news blogs was done with me for decisions I had to make based on Laws and longevity and sustainable growth for the company........JESUS ALONE KNOW what this heart of mine endured as hurting people even unintentionally is not my best quality!!! MORE NEGATIVE ATTENTION!!! Granted on the other end there were a few people that up to today thank me for good deeds done... (But thats for a next time) While working I made agreements and payment plans with all who I knew I had to pay including banks individuals bla bla bla I used my entire salary to pay bills and lived off my friends and family who knew my story but stuck by me! We literally had an arrangement where one bought groceries, one paid internet, one cable, one light & water, one put gas in mah lil ole truck I jook jook around in! They stood in the gap! Hmmmm..... I have to be painfully honest here; all this whilst coming from a clean record of NEVER having cheated on my husband and dedicated myself to him wholly. After our separation found myself for the FIRST TIME in my life in an unclean and unethical relationship that caused hurt to my very loved ones and in this case a family member who undeservingly got royally bruised by my selfish at the time rebellion, insensitive inconsiderate decision..... Oh mah mudders what more NEGATIVE AND EMBARRASSING ATTENTION!!!!! Every descent vision of my clean pass varnished! (Well in the natural) After a shake up and reality check had to get back on the wagon and FOCUSED!!! Agreed with the Company to part ways and established a different type business relationship....... NOW come the beginning of my Blessings... I Cried, Prayed, Praised, Cried some more but I STOOD!!!!!!! I believed in that vision as a little girl! Nutshell version if the good: I did well! WORKED MY ASS OFF (sorry Mommy, aunty Pearl and pastor Alicia for tha small bad wud trust me I come along way in my #MissionCleanMouth) I stuck to it! Paid my bills! Earned the respect of all necessary! FORGAVE MYSELF!!! Today I can say I finally understand why My God EXPOSED ME!!!! Why he allowed me to go through them not so nice experiences. It was preparation for a time such as THIS!!!! You see I aint hear about Bad mouthting I LIVED IT! I didnt here about taking Risk, Gambling, Comprimising etc. I LIVED IT! I aint heard about taking nobody man and wha ever come with that.. I LIVED IT! I aint heard about hard life and not having and cant part take in spoils even if my father spoiled me... I LIVED IT! I aint hear about mismanagement of time, money and the like... I LIVED IT! I aint heard about owing people and people filing complaints against me in police station.... I LIVED IT!! I aint heard about losing a husband, having to find FORGIVENESS today actually have grown a special place in my heart for she who to the public look like she broke my home, but was all apart of Gods plan for this life and I thank him for her and her beautiful heart and big fresh mouth!! .... I AM LIVING IT!!! My daughter is among some of the most blessed children on this island; she have TWO STRONG mothers and for now One heaven sent of a father that couldnt be a better father even if I made him myself flaws and all!!! And when you see my Jesus done with my Husband and send him for me she will have TWO FATHERS AS WELL!! I can go on but will stop here... And if My God aint done with me yet I am READY for him to further USE me!! EXPOSE ME!! Let the world see my IMPERFECTIONS, my MISTAKES, My Everything he is free to do with me as he will as he further prepare me for the task ahead!!!! Where this all come from; So to YOU who whispered in my ear T you got some things in your pass that is being gathered to work against you for the election that is not going to be nice not to mention tha story of you and dude dont look good in the eye of the church.......... And all tha other CRAP you said and in my head I slapped you a thousand times (but everybody know I cant fight) ; I wasnt amazed, you didnt move me, nor silenced me......and I AM NOT AFRAID!!! Nobody know my pass better than me and now like I understand why I experienced every aspect of it, I sorry for who dont have a pass!!! I KNOW WHO I AM!!! Many are called but few are chosen! There is a KING IN ME!!!! Plan, Plot, Conspire and spread your rumors you of the evil Clan..... I AM NOT AFRAID!!! My Awesome God got my Back!!!!
Posted on: Sun, 09 Mar 2014 13:42:10 +0000
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