Growing Spiritually From Nechemia Coopersmith How do we tap in to this incredible power of Yom Kippur? The key is utilizing the following four-step process that comprise the mitzvah of teshuva. Step 1: Cessation: Immediately stop the harmful action. The Talmud says that a person who made a mistake and admits it, but does not renounce doing it again, is compared to going into the mikveh holding a dead reptile in his hand, rendering the immersion useless. He has to throw away the reptile to attain purity. (Taanit 16a) Can you imagine trying to ask forgiveness from someone while you continue to wrong him at the same time? Without stopping the bad action, all the heart-pounding just wont help. You have to stop the transgression. The gig is up. It can take some work to understand the root of what you did wrong. Don’t just look at a list of external actions. Instead examine the list and discern patterns of behavior. Quite often the underlying cause is an issue regarding a character trait (anger, laziness, arrogance) and tackling that root is where to focus your energy. Step 2:Regret Feeling sincere regret is the engine of change. Without it, you dont have any compelling reason to stop the negative action. The obvious starting point is recognizing that you indeed did something wrong. We are masters of rationalizing our actions and coming up with excuses for our misdeeds. Don’t fudge it. Realize the extent of the damage of your transgression and stop blaming others for poor decisions. You are solely responsible for your actions. Regret is different than guilt. Guilt is the negative emotion saying that I am bad. Regret is the positive acknowledgement that I have failed to live up to my potential and my essence remains pure. My choice, my action was bad. Regret is empowering. It’s a positive sign that were back in touch with our essence. Our conscience will not let us relax until weve corrected the mistake. Guilt is immobilizing, it depresses us. Instead of focusing outward on uprooting the bad and changing the present, it gets us to focus inward on our ego and wallow in the past. Step 3: Confession (Viduy): Jewish law prescribes that we admit our mistake by articulating it verbally. It forms the main part of our prayers on Yom Kippur. Why the need to confess? By using the human being’s unique power of speech, which is a manifestation of our soul, we concretize our admission of guilt, moving it from the realm of internal thought into the external. Saying it out loud makes it real. We confront the truth to ourselves, and also come face to face with God. On a spiritual level, verbalizing our confession has the power to remove spiritual toxins that gather as a result of our transgressions. Step 4: Resolution Not to Repeat: This step is critical. Regret will fade, and the only way to ensure real change is by committing to a down-to-earth strategy that lays out a realistic, long term plan of action. God doesn’t expect us to be angels. We can’t change everything overnight. But we do need to create a concrete plan. Here are the some essential points that go into making an effective plan that will lead to genuine change over time: a.Be totally realistic and grounded. If you bite off more than you can chew you’ll be right back where you started. b.Pick one small thing you can totally change forever. Our sages say, “Open for Me a hole the size of a needle and I will open it for you the size of a banquet hall.” The Almighty is telling us that if we make one small, permanent change – akin to a pinprick, a tiny hole that goes all the way through – then He will expand our small change and bring us exponential assistance from Above. c.Your plan should be action oriented, not only dependent on thoughts, and don’t just rely on yourself. If you enlist the aid of someone else to help you in a specific area, you are more likely to live up to your commitment. d.Yom Kippur is only one day. Your plan for growth should carry you throughout the entire year. That means you need to monitor your progress, at least once a month, by doing a cheshbon hanefesh, a spiritual accounting. e.Envision the positive benefits you’re going to receive by making this change. Make the payoff vivid and real (imaging how you’ll look and feel 20 pounds lighter). Use it to motivate you. Step 5: Ask for Forgiveness Lastly, if we have wronged others, in addition to the four steps, we need to sincerely apologize and make amends in order to achieve complete teshuva.
Posted on: Wed, 01 Oct 2014 22:44:07 +0000
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