HALPING: So, Vlads has a drag race on the first Friday night of War. There are many challenges for contestants from getting dressed, to racing, to balance, to comportment. Having an actual QUEEN in camp to act as one of the hurdles that contestants would have to get over (tea service) was an unexpected bonus for party planning (I think one of our guests last year ended up wearing a tea service unexpectedly when one of the contestants tried to balance a tray on her head and had to go all the way home to change. Picking camp-mates for these roles reduced the mortification factor and inconvenience in the event of an accident.) Anyway, Joel asked if I would be the Queen for the Queens Tea obstacle and I agreed, just as the racing began... At which point, I realized that it was a DRAG race, and I was swanning about with no mustache. So, I went into the depths of camp and asked my girls for a hand. QUICK! I NEED A MUSTACHE! No one asked questions. They were quick to oblige! Mysterious substances were applied to my face, fluffed, colored, combed, adjusted, and inspected for authentic appearance. It wasnt until about half way through that it occurred to me to ask, Uh... So... This stuff WILL come off... wont it? We have no idea. Its dark, and you said to HURRY. Fair enough. Worry about that later. I walked out and received my tea, from four contestants. It was not tea. It was Cooper Water, which is about the same color, but tastes of iron and sulfur. My job was to attempt to stall each contestant long enough to get them to ignore their other guests. I did this by repeatedly launching into a detailed description of what your body could do to you if you actually DRANK a significant quantity of Cooper Water. If I held onto them after that, I launched into a speech about the joys of dying with onion skin and Cooper Water. (It makes an excellent goose-shit green... FYI.) In all that time, only ONE contestant actually left, went to the bar, got me a bottled water, and came back... So, style points pushed him (her?) over the top for the win. Moodles did not panic at the sight of this years mustache. Instead, she got a slow smile, patted it tentatively and then kissed it. (It was indeed, very soft.) And then I was done and back in the back, and pulling at my mustache... Which did not peel off in one piece like Id hoped. I managed to pull off a tiny tuft, and still had the better part of a black bushy mustache still sitting undisturbed on my face... utterly unruffled by my attempt to remove it... PANIC. *Stop and imagine what court will be like in a mustache...* PANIC SOME MORE. *Remember that I used hand sanitizer from the portas to get all of Moodles temporary tattoos off.* SOAK WHOLE FACE IN MAKEUP REMOVER... Partial success. Less panic. Some breaths. SCRUB WHOLE FACE WITH MAKEUP REMOVER PADS. I now have a red, slightly chapped lip, but no black, fluffy mustache. THANK GOD. And so... When you ask your girlfriends for an emergency mustache, always remember whether or not you have court in a few days, and ask whether or not the glue they are using is PERMANENT...
Posted on: Wed, 13 Aug 2014 21:20:30 +0000
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