HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR 2029 dorunda/comedy2007.htm Spotted Owl - TopicsExpress

HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR 2029 dorunda/comedy2007.htm Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock. Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels. France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica. No other country comes forward to help the beleaguered nation! Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking. Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only. 85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and exercise is the key to weight loss. Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs. Global cooling blamed for citrus crop failure for third consecutive year. Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut. Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative. Average height of NBA players is now nine feet, seven inches. New federal law requires that all nail clippers; screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2030. IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.

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