HOW CALM ARE YOU? There’s nothing more exciting than buying a new iPhone! This is not a belief, it is a fact, proven by the agitation in our house when Sue’s new phone didn’t do what it was supposed to do. Like most males, I took it upon myself to drive to the store and talk with the manager about what could be done. In about 20 minutes, I was on my way home, the phone was fixed, and the house felt calm. As I was driving home from the store, it was raining, one of those raw days, almost November like, I decided to call my good friend in Florida. During our conversation, he asked about the Lament’s and I told him I was going to write it later this afternoon. “You know,” he said, “It’s almost election time, and things are crazy down here in Florida. No one talks any sense.” I agreed, believing it’s just as nuts in Pennsylvania.... or Washington, for that matter. My friend went on, “You’re the essence of calmness,” he said, “why don’t you settle us all down?” Hah! I’m not the essence of calmness; that was my Grandfather, my dad’s dad. He was easygoing, according to my father. And that was true. I never heard him raise his voice or make a sudden move. He taught me how to throw can rubbers over a stick, as well as how to play Canasta. He seemed peaceful to me. Later on in my life, when I began to explore our geneology in great length, I uncovered the fact he had been married four times. His first wife died in childbirth, his second with pneumonia, and his third wife was killed by lightning as she sat with my grandfather in their kitchen. I’m amazed he was able to even make a decision to marry a fourth time, to my grandmother. By then he was 40 years old with two kids. No wonder he was easygoing! I don’t believe he could have continued if he had not been able to accept what life had thrown at him. How he was able to love again was beyond me. Perhaps it’s when we learn to stop screaming at pain and loss, we can begin to find peace. Another way of putting it is that when we stop resisting, the possibility of calmness settles in. Maybe my grandfather had surrendered to the unknown movement of life, and was then able to flow with the current. I believe there is a struggle here between knowing when to accept, and when not to. Sometimes, we need to resist when it feels like the right thing to do, to walk uphill when the gold is at the top of the crest. Then there are those times when it’s best to walk around the hill and discover what’s on the other side. Wisdom is needed as to which path to take. The question, it seems to me, is: Can I be calm and still resist certain movements in life? Or is calmness only available when I am resting, not-doing so to speak? The answer, I think, is that both allow for peace. When you are grounded in truth, as you understand it, or led by a higher voice, as you hear it, you can march into the fray and remain calm. The key is what, or Who, is your guide? Where does the voice come from which directs you? This does not mean you will escape pain, and raises a further question: Can you be calm and also in pain? My answer to that is Yes! As Stephen Levine says, “Pain is a given in life. You suffer to the degree you refuse to accept it.” Wow! If I even remotely believe I can get to three score and ten and escape pain, the surprises will be too numerous to count. It might be that Accepted Pain leads to an inner calmness. That’s one to think about. My Lament for tonight is for those times when we feel things have to go our way to be calm and peaceful. If that is the case, calm moments will be elusive for most of our life.
Posted on: Wed, 22 Oct 2014 19:08:37 +0000
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