Had business to attend to yesterday in Baltimore at the State Comptroller s Office...which was planned more than a month ago. What a shock to go from laying on my mothers sofa for two weeks to be thrown in the middle of beltways, rush hours, city streets, and business meetings. Walked like a zombie through it all. My daughters very comfortable and thoughtfully appointed apartment near Towson was a welcome respite from the days nerve wracking events. We laid on her carpeted living room floor for hours playing with her new 8 week-old daschund puppy while talking about religion, relationships, love, dreams and reminiscing about Geoff. I was able to sleep a full six hours because Geoff hadnt seen her apartment yet and the room wasnt filled with a million and one loving memories. I somehow convinced myself that I was visiting my daughter like I had done in the past and Geoff was home waiting for my return. Woke up at 5am unable to trick myself any longer...missing him terribly and panicking. Turned on TV for noise (an hour long Wen hair product infomercial) while scrolling through pix of Geoff on my phone and sniffing his sweaty bicycling bandana for comfort. Today I feel like I just woke up from a dream...with everything the past three weeks a complete blur. I finally feel like I am present in my life. Now Im on auto-pilot. Paying bills. Ordering merchandise for the new store. Making charts and calendars and to-do lists. Knowing full well that if I stop for even a few minutes to contemplate my life without Geoff that I will crumble to pieces again. I simply cannot wrap my head around the fact that he is gone. It seems like just yesterday we were hugging in the kitchen and I was resting my head on his warm chest...listening to his healthy heartbeat. So today my daughter are going to Borders to buy books on religion and special thank you notes (for you). Then Im heading home to work on paperwork tonight locked behind the cloud curtains in Bliss. I picked up raffle tickets at the Copy Shoppe for the Chris Sears fundraiser and will make them available to anyone who wants them tomorrow. I have decided that since nothing is in place for Geoffs children (including his 11 year old son who has a serious liver disease that will ultimately lead to a transplant) that I am going to double the prize choices and draw TWO winners...splitting the proceeds from the raffle tickets between the Sears 3 children and Geoffs 3 children. Tomorrow between 9 am and 11 am I am going to put a collection of items in the Bliss windows that are up for grabs. Each of the two winners can pick whatever (single item) they want from those displayed. There will be both sea glass necklaces and driftwood boats from which to choose. I hope you keep hugging and loving and appreciating your loved ones. We sometimes think we are invincible and that tragic events only happen to others....I know that Geoff and I never dreamed we would part so soon. He always said we would grow really really old together...With me in my Hover round and he on a pogo stick!
Posted on: Thu, 23 Oct 2014 19:11:38 +0000
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