Happiness, fame and fortune do not make one immune to the evils of a disease like depression. I am so deeply happy, so unbelievably blessed with amazing family, true friends, a literally miraculous husband. I had the perfect childhood. I have a beautiful existence. I think of suicide every single day. For nearly twenty years, Ive struggled daily with Major Depressive Disorder and severe Generalized Anxiety Disorder. Ive been hospitalized in psychiatric facilities 3 times. This disease is a part of every aspect of my life, of who I am. Ive lost jobs, Ive lost friends I never, NEVER thought would walk away, Ive lost my SELF and nearly my life. Being happy or having it all does not stop the spiral. For the last 4 months, Ive barely left the house. Only those closest to me know the years and years of curling up in a dark closet, literally ripping my hair out, of hyperventilating, of 911 calls where they put me on hold, of self-hatred and anxiety attacks where it just doesnt matter how tight you hold on, of stashed bottles of pills and the math to be sure theyd be enough, of guns loaded and cocked, of days, weeks, months lost. I go to the doctors, I swallow the pills, I talk about it and I reach out for help. But sometimes none of it is enough. For Mr. Robin Williams, someone who has touched us all in some way, it wasnt enough. My hope is that his legacy will not only be for his comedic genius and his gentle, beautiful soul, but for awareness and the battle against the stigma of mental illness. #youarenotalone #askforhelp
Posted on: Tue, 12 Aug 2014 17:26:50 +0000
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