Have you seen those bumper stickers that say “Wag more, bark less” and “Purr more, hiss less”? They got me thinking about this idea of “More and Less” pairs, particularly as it relates to business. Many business coaches, consultants, and gurus like to lay down mandates about choosing between two apparently contradictory feelings. For instance, they instruct us that it’s “love OR fear.” Really? What happens when we *can’t* choose love instead of fear? What happens when the fear persists, no matter how hard we try to “choose love” instead? When we make our emotional experience black-and-white, either/or, we create struggle as we try to get rid of our resistance, fear, insecurity, anxiety, or whatever might be coming up for us. And when those feelings won’t go away, we add on guilt and inadequacy, as if we’ve somehow screwed up because we can’t “let go” of the fear and “choose love.” We’re human, and being human means we feel many things, often at the same time. Then we label some of those feelings “bad” and wish we didn’t have to feel them. Because we recognize that these uncomfortable feelings tend to hold us back from doing what we deeply want to do, we believe we have to feel something “better” before we can move forward. It would be delightful if we could always “choose love.” And sometimes it can be that simple, but more often it just seems impossible. On the other hand, *more* of something feels attainable. And *less* of something creates space for the *more* without making us feel wrong, guilty, or inadequate. So instead of sternly telling ourselves to “choose love, not fear,” we can gently ask ourselves to “love more, fear less.” To me, that feels spacious. It feels as if there’s room to breathe, to be with all of my experience, while shifting the focus away from what I don’t want and toward what I do want. So I’m introducing a series of “More and Less” blog posts in which I’ll explore more-and-less pairs that have meaning for me, and invite readers to submit guest posts on pairs that have helped them. And that’s an important point: you need to create your own pair. These are highly personal and subjective; what works for me in this moment isn’t necessarily what will work for you! So post your “More and Less” pair in the comments — or post your questions — I’m always happy to help! (This appears on my blog at svahaconcepts/blog/more-and-less/more-and-less-an-introduction)
Posted on: Tue, 01 Apr 2014 16:40:40 +0000
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