He was my brother but was also like my son. It’s been so many years that I don’t even remember all the exact details of how my youngest brother came to be in my custody, but I do remember the closeness we shared soon thereafter. Being a caring and loving person does very little to prepare us for life, if that is all we are starting with. Left to raise ourselves, with only the brief and occasional poor example of someone posing as a father will generally produce predictable results. Leaving our children to navigate this world all on their own also produces those same predictable results. I struggle still with a childhood that failed to create a man worthy or capable of being called a father and the after affects of being one early on that was an even poorer representation of the example I had. Having a good work ethic doesn’t qualify someone to be a father either and I regret that the single largest contribution I made to my brother’s life was that I taught him the importance of hard work. That is not to say that having a great work ethic isn’t important to life, it’s just not the most important thing, and certainly not the most important thing about being a father. It seems so ironic now that my brother was the one who taught my oldest son the very same thing in terms of hard work and dependability. That, of course, was due to the fact that my brother was there for my son when I wasn’t, exactly the same way I had been there for him when our Dad wasn’t. It was thirty years ago and he was just sixteen. I was a Marine Drill Instructor and in some ways that was what he needed, but how much better it would have been had I been a godly example in his life. What if I had been able to teach him, by example, right from wrong and what it meant to be a godly husband and a godly father? What it took my heavenly father to teach me, is that you cannot be a good father without first being a good husband. This is not my standard; it is the standard of God. The “love, honor, and cherish” portion of that vow we make to each other only produces a godly husband and father when it becomes representative of our private and intimate lives. It takes a godly man to be a godly husband and it takes a godly husband to be a godly father. There are no shortcuts and there are no substitutes. The current condition of the family unit is proof of just how far we have drifted from the Word of God in every imaginable aspect, but especially in the realm of fatherhood. The Word of God says we shouldn’t discourage our children and should avoid provoking them to wrath. When we have that right relationship with our children, when we can honestly say that we are doing all we can to set the right example, we can speak truth in love, and have some expectation that it is received with the same love as it was presented. When someone like me, who failed so many times and in so many ways, as husband, as father, and even at times as a human being, then suddenly and dramatically makes that turn from lost to found, it can be extremely difficult “speak truth in love” and still avoid wearing the title of “hypocrite” and leave wounds that aren’t easily healed. But it’s now, thirty years later and I can only say what I now know. Seek God and become a godly man. Seek God and become a godly husband. Seek God and become a godly father. THIS is the will of God for your life. Gary would have been 46 in a few days and I still hurt so badly over losing him. If you have a chance to be a father, you need to take it seriously. It could be your only chance. Hebrews 12:5-11 (ESV) And have you forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons? “My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor be weary when reproved by him. For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives.” It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live? For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.
Posted on: Fri, 22 Aug 2014 09:05:08 +0000
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