Healing In Victory Chapter 1 Here I am two months from my 50th birthday and have survived two partners, one died of AIDS and one died of Kidney Cancer, Healing In Victory for 25 years and in 4 years relationship in studying the art of war and the wounded, while loving each day with a pure heart to help in the pain and suffering of a most courageous veteran. I am on the 5th day of recovering and this book I am writing has been 25 years in the process of thought, pondering and meditation for every time I started to write the confusion of the world and spiritual warfare is upon me, however now it is flowing like milk and honey. I pray for my words to touch the hearts of the readers to build them up in communication and of my testimony of God’s power is received as humbleness with boldness and electric healing in the calling of the Holy Spirit to bring Jesus into ones heart of the unbeliever and for the one’s wounded to be healed from the pain and suffering as they reach out to Almighty God for healing though Christ our Lord. Let’s go back to Neptune Beach, Florida where my days and night I begin to remember. Neptune Beach is on the east coast where the Atlantic Ocean meets a piece of land about 4 miles wide. I lived in a little house of 900 square feet and one bathroom. My mother was the typical house wife with joy and lots of kisses for me throughout the day; for she knew I was special in my walk to encourage me always. My father was a big handed man that always was in control ever thing and we all look up to him in fear and awe to keep the family in safely and within right direction. Life was good at the beach where every day was joyful, simple and way laid back, without stress, for as my head hit my pillow each night and listen to the ocean roaring in an out to rock to sleep in peace and tranquility , truly a paradise of simplicity. I was always the one without shoes and running back and forth, for the town was small and I would wake up and keep moving through the neighborhood, you could do that back then for the crime was almost nothing and everyone knew who you belong too. I had two brother’s one a year older me and the other 3 years. I was the runt of the pack and had a speech problem, for when I talk it was like I was speaking in unknown languages. I know this for I was nicked name Chinese man by my brothers and cry baby by my father, for he did understand the pure heart, for my excitement to communicate just did not fit with the rest of the pack. I listen and tried to prefect the words in my youth, but laughter and humiliation was the outcome until much later. I spent a lot time in silent and listen to learn and to feel the emotional of people for I had a pure heart for people. My father could look out me and I feel his angry for I could see inside his heart that was strong but closed off to any emotions ( not manly at time) for he worked so hard to control his emptiness for feelings. I recall going to Church one time at about 5 years old, I think, where the pastor was preaching on Thanking God and he ask all of us to grab a book in the pews without using are thumps, then point out how difficult it was without our thumbs, and to Thank God for our thumbs. I learned Jesus Loved me Song and to Thank God for my thumbs. The Methodist experience did not last long, for I was registered for kindergarten for a couple of weeks, however my father hurt his back and no money for tithes and no thither at that time meant no kindergarten. However the Jesus Loves me song I did receive for those weeks, I was enrolled and truly lifesaving in my warfare for the sprit man to be lead by Almighty God’s Will to walk in his endless love and wholeness to be a man of Soulful actions for eternity, with the exception of stepping in my own direction, you know the flesh of desire for pleasure. When the phone call came at the house to collect the tithe money or ask where is the check, my mother was stressed and yelled my husband is sick and we do not have any money for the church, then click in angry of being squeeze by the church, for this experience still seem to make her bitter at times, oh forgiveness is the key to wholeness, quickly forgive, more on I am learning. I did not know this at the time, I just heard her stress and went to hug her and did not miss the school, for my heart is pure and took my shoe off and ran the town chasing butterfly and swimming in the lake at the park. Truly a dogma free child hood, other than Jesus loves me and Thank God. I told my cousin about Jesus and that he was stronger than his superman and that Jesus loved him too. I saw my first African American about five years old and my eyes got big, for I never seen a man that was black and his eyes got big too in my surprise for his spirit man felt my spirit man. I did run back to say there is a man outside that looks just like the man on Tarzan the TV show. My mother and father were from Tennessee and never used the n word, so still no dogma in my thinking. My father would always have a list of chords for us, for He loved to be the director of the chords and to work with his children to make them though, I never like taking direction, but loved to please him like a good son. In the first Grade we had prayer in morning and saluted the flag to say the Pledge of Allegiants and the teacher would tell the Christmas story and had one of those stick quark boards with a manger scene of the baby Jesus and did a presentation of the Christ Child and a big party before the Christmas break. This first grade teacher was so sweet to point out the star made of tin fold above the manger and when the sun started going down it shine over the baby Jesus. In the second grade that all went away and the Jehovah Witness’ mother can and got here children out of class during the Easter Holiday Party and that confused me, for the dogma door was opened a bit. I did see a speech therapist during that time for 15 minutes and I guess I was ok, for never saw her again. Second Grade the integration of African American process had begun and I started building relationships with African Americans like a second grader might do, we all were a bit afraid of one another; it was clear how we split up during lunch and recess. In third grader I still could not read very well, had a problem with seeing things different, for I was a bit queerer than most, but I do remember, Mrs. Higganbottom? Yes, a lovely old lady that made a comment that went into my into my pure heart about an African American English teacher down the hall who spoke the letter R in a funny tone and repeated it, can you believe she say’s Rrrra for the letter R with her hand on her hips. That feeling of her self-rigorousness crossed my spirit man and knew she was not being kind and thought that was not a nice comment, for I was only in the 3rd grade, I still had the speech problem and took it a little personal. The door of meanness was opened. This was about the time after school a lady came knocking on the door at my home and I rush behind my mother in the hinge of the door to get a look at who it was, then in a sweet tone she asked, “Do you have children” my mother in the same yes, she has stated for year, chimed, yess.. I do. Then she went in to hear her sale pitch. I am Ruth and we are opening up a new church down the road and around the corner, for would like your children to attend Sunday school. I could her a joyful tone without pause, an astounding, yes. I went about my business not knowing what these word mean at the time Sunday School and thought no more of it , with shoes off and skipping in the sunshine. My brother’s woke me up as usual, for I was always the last up to dress me and take me down the road and around the corner to a little white church called the Church of the Nazarene and was the first time I felt the anointing. We meet the pastor and his children and one of his children had high water paints (where the legs of the pants are high, for I had grown out of them) like mine and I felt very comfortable around my own kind. We went to the back of the church behind the corridor to a little door into a room just large enough for us four, Ruth, Michael, Mark and Frederick. She started to say you are at The Church of the Nazarene and what we do is share the Good News around the world and handed us a booklet, with African Americans and missionary workers. She open it and there was a picture of an African American getting some dental work done by a missionary of the Nazarene mission works and comment do you believe they put their hands in the mouth of these people, a little Higginbottom’s spirit and a bit self- righteousness , but they both where sweet. She explain the Good News about Jesus, but did not take it in my spirit man yet, and gave us a piece of paper with John 3-16, for God, so loved the world that he gave us his only begotten som , named Jesus, whosoever believes in Him will not parish, but has given us everlasting life. ( begins to open up the spirit man) The home work was to memories the verse for next week. The next week my brothers woke me up and dressed me in a pushy manner and Mark called out did you do the home work in memorizing of the verse John 3-16? Mike stated “yes,” “what about Freddy” Mark was always the boss, I look at them and did not know what the word verse or memorizing meant. Michael took me by the hand to reassure me I could do this by encouragement, for knew He knew the fear of speaking I had, you could see it in my eyes and then in the most gentle spirit he spoke John 3-16 into my spirit man and then I spoke it back, and he made me do it again and again and to my amazement within my speech, the first sentence in my life was formed of more than two words without humiliation. I was a proud high water paints kid and we all strolled to church of Nazarene in Neptune Beach, Florida for it is not there anymore when I visited recently and think it was built just for our spirit man. We only went there for a season, which we I look back this good for no dogma, just simple truth to love one, another for the rest was a strange bunch of words to me for I had pure heart what else did I need. I love my brother so much for they always cared for me in a special way, when they were not horsing around with me like a rag doll, for after that day I had a sharp tongue for my brother laid hands on me to take the fear from birth in my speech, I believe and my confidents in speaking improved. In the four grade I not sure if I learn anything other than humility and that a big hug from a color lady heals almost any pain. So get this in the 4 grade my home room teacher was Ms. Wilson the one my 3rd grade teacher Ms. Higgonbottom made comments about the R and the first time I met a black woman. Boy did I feel the love, for when she look at me in eyes and she knew I was queer and I knew she knew I was queer in my spirit man for I did not know really, I was queer at that time. I felt like I was at home with my mother, although my mother did not know I was queer. This was one of my most traumatic years in elementary school, for I had an accident and fell and knot my front tooth out, running from fear of my brother Mark, for my tongue was sharp by then in learning to fight back with words of humiliation too no control they just came out, you see the humiliation was attacking my spirit man, so I attach back to protect my pure heart. Anyway the accident was not the problem it was going to school as a 4th grader with my front tooth out, for no 4th grader had their front tooth out. I just bridle my mouth as hard I could and walked into class, and to make matter worst, it was a special monthly singing class, oh the fear flush my spirit man in trembling, my mouth would not open. The attentive music teacher notice my mouth purposely clinched and walked up to me and genteelly demand me to sing. I open my mouth with a cry of double humiliation, wailing and wailing in pain to my spirit-man for this was not right. The poor teacher was in shook and traumatized her too and the class. I was in deep trauma and do not remember her taking me back to my home room down the hall for I was historical. L looked up and there was Ms. Wilson, a big color woman and I ran to place my head in her blossoms and she squeezed me tight and stated “now, now baby, it will be alright” within her spirit man, I heard the sweet Holy Spirit and the pain and humiliation and trauma was subdued. 5th grade another Ms. Wilson that was tall and she was taking to the other Ms. Wilson and she knew I was queer too and I could tell she knew and that she knew I knew. I became the teacher pet in both the Ms. Wilson’s class where I jumped when they called, for I love them. She wanted me to paint the shelve blue and I jump to please her and put the paint on the top shelves, while excitingly painting I hit the paint can dump on my head to colored me blue. She look at me and grab me to stop the trauma for I think I had a reputation by then, just in time before the spirit man alarm went off and we both laughed for the humiliation did not traumatize me and rushed home to clean up. I learned that Jesus Loved Me and Thank God for big color women during my elementary experience in my spirit man. Ms. Wilson number two had a strong faith for she stood tall to take control of my spirit man.
Posted on: Sat, 07 Sep 2013 20:13:54 +0000
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