Heart: Destroyed UST has been a silent witness to some of the - TopicsExpress

Heart: Destroyed UST has been a silent witness to some of the most insane parts of my living history. This includes two instances of my emotions getting so ground up and destroyed into a fine powder, you can use my remains like glitter. The first time it happened was on a Paskuhan day, I think around 2009? I forgot the exact time but it was definitely after the time I was supposed to have graduated (Im a returning student after what, 3, 4 years of absence to finish my degree). You see, me and my ex (whos not from UST but has a lot of friends within the school) decided to meet up and spend the day up until the evening; I wanted to show him how Thomasians celebrate Christmas, if you may. Instead, I ended up getting destroyed so completely. At least he had the balls to admit that it wasnt me who had the problem in our relationship, he said that he was the one who tried to make it work; but in the end things didnt work out too well. I even had a gift for him; to wish him a Merry Christmas, instead I went home that night a wet, crying mess. That caused me to spiral downward until... someone who I thought was just a friend at the time (I treat him like a little brother even though we were born the same year) suddenly changed in my perspective. I thought that he would be the one, the forever to my story, but things also changed again for the worse. Flash-forward to current times, my best friend (whos also from UST) and this ex of mine (who is now apparently my best friend slash so-called little brother with spunk) ended up together. Honestly, I dont care about whats going on between then; if shes happy, then so am I (after all, he liked my best friend in the first place, I was just the bridge that was supposed to bring them together, and that I did). For the most part Ive stopped caring about the male population in general; who would want to take care of a chubby, squat, bespectacled girl who is just... your average plain Jane? I have endless fantasies about what ifs and what could have been situations; but now Im just... empty. ...I have my 3DS to keep me entertained in the meantime, and I joke around with my friends, saying that Im in a relationship with my gaming unit, but how long is that going to last? What they say about certain people is true; If theyre the kind who laughs and smiles a lot, then theyre hiding an emptiness that even family cannot fill. I know this is going off on a tangent here; and you guys are going to say that I have my friends and family to keep me happy, but dont we singles (either by choice or since birth) have all the right to be jealous of other people who are all so chummy and lovey-dovey? We all have families to love and take care of us, and friends to watch out for us; but there is this void within me that even their combined presence cannot fill. A void that a true, solid, stable relationship with trust, transparency and dedication would fill up the emptiness within me. (to those who know my story, please dont tag me or Ill do things to you when we meet within the walls of the school come July!) Heartless 2005 Faculty of Arts and Letters