Hello Zane. Im a 28 yr old, African American single mother of my 6 yr old daughter and I am so unhappy with life. I work full time and I used to love my job of 2 1/2 yrs until I got snubbed just this past month for a promotion that I truly deserved. That hurt me to my core because I work so hard and to know that my skin color matters more than my work ethic to someone of authority makes me feel really bad. All of this happened on top of other things in life such as self esteem, relationship status, financial woes, faith etc. so now Im looking at my life and I do not want to live the rest of my life in this state. The problem is that I dont know what I should do. I want to have my own restaurant/lounge one day and I enrolled in community college for a degree but financial aid issues have halted that process. In anticipation of my daughter starting kindergarten this school year I moved back home with my parents so that I can save to buy a home in a better school district but that fell threw and now Im still with my parents but paying tuition for my daughter to attend private school. So now I dont even have the privacy/freedom and calm of having my own space. Ive always been a genuinely caring and empathetic person to anyone who has ever opened up in anyway to me and have always put my daughters well being before anything even though it doesnt necessarily make me happy. Now I just wanna do something for me. I dont want to continue in my current job under those circumstances and Ive been thinking about doing something drastic like relocating and just starting over but Im scared. Ive lived here in my home town my whole life. My daughters father just started being a little more active in her life in 2014. He doesnt do much like help me with decisions, health, child support or anything although I did allow him to have joint custody when she was a baby in hopes that it would help him do right by her so he has visitation rights. He also moved to another state about a hour and half away from us a few years back. So my question for you is, should I let go of my fears and go on a new path even though Im not sure what path that would be? or should I just continue on my current path, attend counseling and take anti-depressants/anxiety meds for the rest of my life and live for everyone else despite being miserable? I smile and laugh outwardly most of the time but I really feel like Im at my breaking point. Please give me some sound advice. Thank you and I just wanna say that you are a wonderful person. You can share to FB if you like. MY RESPONSE: Young Lady, start making plans now to move in the summer. At least try to make your dreams come true. Act like you do not have the support of your parents. What would you do if that became a reality tomorrow? Would you remain in that town? Probably not. You need to start looking for employment elsewhere. You need to make a dream plan of all the things you desire to accomplish within the next year and start systematically trying to make them happen, in baby steps. Moving needs to be at the top of the list. You can enroll in another community college wherever you move to. This truly breaks my heart to hear you believe that you may have to be depressed for the rest of you life. It is time for you to make moves. Ask your parents for their help and motivation. See if there are any relatives in another state that would be willing to assist with a place to stay or employment. A lot of people may not help but plenty will once you become proactive in your own destiny. If they are not aware of your desires, they cannot do anything to assist. Email me back and tell me where you live and what kind of work you do, or can do? There has to be a better way than this. I do suggest counseling regardless and long-term, no matter where you are. But you are still young and the world is your oyster. I am going to pray for you and your daughter. You will be fine but you have to stop acting like your problems are coping ones instead of solvable ones. You can do this. God bless you.
Posted on: Mon, 05 Jan 2015 14:51:32 +0000
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