Hello all! I want to update that Carsyn will be having her first upped dose chemo this Wednesday. She is doing really good. She feels very weak and is even more accident prone than normal. Her biggest challenge is boredom-thats really tough on her. She is almost caught up on her school work with her homebound teachers and there is talk about re-integrating her into school if she does well with the big treatment on Wednesday. We are almost there. We are both exhausted emotionally and physically. I refuse to quit. My mind has been in constant rapid fire mode for so long I cant remember when it started. Im so angry that my baby girl got dealt this hand, Im so very grateful for the love from everyone, Im sad that this is our life right now, Im proud of her bravery and strength , Im nervous about her scans next month to see if chemo is working, Im tired of crap that just keeps happening that shoots me over the edge, we both feel alone and lost, I havent been posting because Ive been trying mindless stuff to make it stop. It doesnt stop. I dont show my emotions. I dont release them. I am in fight mode. Flight is not an option. I have an idiot in my ear in the background who has no respect. Im not sure what a breakdown is but Im sure we have had plenty. My jaws are sore from gritting my teeth and my knuckles are bleeding from gripping so hard. I know there is going to be smooth road sometime....there has to be. Im going to start posting again more often. Im living on prayer but I cant seem to let my hands open up to give all of this to God. Please pray that I can totally give this to HIM. I cant but HE CAN!
Posted on: Tue, 20 Jan 2015 07:12:24 +0000
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