"Hello dear listeners of my very first Arrancar Encyclopedia Podcast! Yes, I, Ichimaru Gin, have decided to give the ol’ podcast a try. And what better subject for my first episode than a live recording of me reading Ulquiorra’s diary? Assuming I can find it, that is…" Grimmjow: And why am I here again? Gin: Because I need a co-host, of course! And I figured you’d be okay snooping through Ulquiorra’s room and stealing something, since you’ve done that before. Grimmjow: Yeah, but I just stole his woman. And I had good reasons for that. What makes you think his diary is here, anyway? Gin: I have my sources! Grimmjow: Lemme guess: he just seems like the kind of guy who’d keep a diary? Gin: He has teardrops tattooed on his face and he keeps his feelings locked inside. I just inferred from there. Grimmjow: Hang on! I think I found it! Under his mattress! Grimmjow: Wait, is this really his diary? It’s…pink. And sparkly. And it appears to have a unicorn on the front. Gin: I think it may be a gift from Inoue Orihime. Grimmjow: Let’s see. The first entry says, “I do not understand why the horse has a horn on its head. Horses do not have horns on their heads. This diary is a lie.” Yeah, I think this is definitely his. Gin: Give it to me, if you please! Grimmjow: …what are you doing? You can’t read it if you flip through it that fast. Gin: I just wanted to see if there are pictures! Like perhaps a quick sketch of, I don’t know, his second release? Grimmjow: His what? Gin: Oh, just a thing I’ve always been curious about. Wait! Gin: … Gin: No, never mind. It’s just a picture of, um, a unicorn skeleton. Gin: I guess Ulquiorra was really bothered by how a horse could have a horn. Grimmjow: Dude has issues. Gin: And I think it’s time to see what those issues are, don’t you? So, according to my listeners, people want to know what Ulquiorra thinks of Inoue! Let’s look for entries about that first, shall we? Grimmjow: …you have listeners? Gin: Hush, co-host. Here’s one! The woman remains convinced that Kurosaki Ichigo will rescue her, even though I told her he wouldn’t. When I asked her why she believes him rather than me, she said it’s because “Kurosaki-kun has always been dependable and has a rescue complex, whereas you just ask basic anatomy questions that may or may not be metaphorical.” I don’t think it’s fair to punish me for wanting to learn. Grimmjow: ‘Rescue complex’? No way the woman said that. Dumb bat is editing. Gin: Well it is his diary. Oh! Here’s one: Being in the caja negacion gave me time to think. The only way to get the woman to see me as a man is to kill all of her friends in front of her. Then she will love me. I don’t see how this could fail. Grimmjow: Huh. Gin: What is it? Grimmjow: Just didn’t realize he knew so much about romance. Give it here. I’m going to read one. Hey! There’s my name! It’s sad that Grimmjow just doesn’t get it. Having a shirt open all the time = lame. Dramatically ripping open your shirt = awesome. Grimmjow: … Grimmjow: I like having my shirt open all the time. Gin: And I’m sure many fans appreciate it. We have time for one more. Choose well! Grimmjow: Whatever. I don’t even care any more. Let’s look at the last one? It has occurred to me that I have never seen my own second release. No mirrors above the roof of Las Noches. I believe a ‘selfie’ is the only thing that can solve this. Grimmjow: And there’s a drawing? Gin: LET ME SEE! Gin: … Gin: This isn’t a drawing. It just says ‘suck it Gin.’ In block capitals. Grimmjow: Heh. Gin: … Gin: We won’t be doing this again.
Posted on: Sun, 29 Sep 2013 03:46:19 +0000
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