Heres whats on my mind. In the morning- up at 4 am, out the door at 4:30 am, hospital admission at 5 am, surgery at 6:30. Will be out of commission for 6 weeks, out of work for 3- all to try to restore what stage 3 breast cancer stole from me. This is surgery #7 attributed to this war against cancer. Another battle begins tomorrow. Im not happy about being forced back into the weakened, injured state. Its been a long road back to recovery from what Ive been through. Im feeling strong- finally. Ive walked 2-3 miles several times a week with my bestie. I just started yoga. Tonight I had my overloaded 20+ pound teacher tote on one shoulder and 5 bags of groceries in the other hand from the van to the kitchen. I did that with no trouble and no pain. Tomorrow I will go back to not being able to lift a gallon of milk for months. Im so grateful to still be alive, to be cancer-free, and to be surrounded by such loving, supportive family and friends. Im so completely blessed to have the very best husband in the whole entire world who is the peas to my carrots and the skip in my step. Though God is always my protector and provider, Teds my earthly rock. But right now, Im just MAD. Im MAD I have to start over all over again. Im MAD I have to depend on others yet again. Im MAD I wont be able to do what I want to do when I want to do it. Im MAD I have to be on a pain pump, spend 2 nights and 3 days in the hospital, have JP drains again, wear a boa constrictor compression bra for months, and the undeniable need to take percoset to handle the pain. Im MAD Im not finished with my grades and that my students have to be without me there to teach them for 2 weeks. Im MAD I wont get to do a really fun lab Friday week like I usually do as a last hurrah before spring break week. Im MAD I have to eat hospital food and be hooked up to monitors and IVs. Im MAD that I know my way around St. Vincents like its a second home. Im MAD I know the secret place they keep the popsicles and yogurt. Im mad I have to give my medical and surgical history for the umpteenth time in the morning. Im REALLY going to be MAD if I get that room by the Pyxis and hear the nurses chatting in there all night like I have before. Im going to be really MAD if I get that LPN again that takes my blood pressure on my leg because it hurts like a blankety-blank and were going to have a come to Jesus meeting again about it. Again. Im just MAD MAD MAD. Ted will be updating everyone tomorrow on my page. Love you all. Goodnight!
Posted on: Mon, 10 Mar 2014 03:26:05 +0000
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