Hey Guys- A few years ago I watched an interview with a very young Olympic gold medal winner whose performance at the games had surpassed and surprised all of the coaches, experts, and commentators. When asked what she attributed her performance to that year, she noted that everything changed one day as a result of a conversation shed had with her parents. They had noticed the stress that she was under and how at times she would get nervous to the degree that it was affecting her ability to do her best. They sat her down, she explained in the interview, and reminded her that it was OK if she made a mistake, if she didnt win, or if she blew it. Dont worry about it, the emphasized, and reminded her that they would love her just as much if she made a mistake, fell off the bar, or otherwise blew it. With uncharacteristic wisdom for someone so young, she went on to say that knowing that failing was OK made her able to succeed. She didnt have to worry about what her parents were going to think, and the security of that relationship freed her up to just think about what she was doing, and to do what she was focused on doing. In other words, there were no relationship consequences to making a mistake. They would not shame her, be angry, hate her, or withdraw support. So she was free to use every mistake as a learning opportunity and free to do the best she could at any moment. That is what people need from their leaders and their parents, the knowledge that they are for their success, and if a mistake is made, they will stand beside them and help them learn and improve, not punish them. Similarly, people need a culture in which drives people to get better instead of driving them to be perfect or avoid making mistakes. Research shows that a getting better orientation goes much further than a being perfect orientation. I cannot tell you how many times I have heard people say that their leader or parents has his or her favorites, or once you get on her bad side there is no getting back. Watch for this tendency in your own style, and do everything possible to let your people or family know you will be supportive and for their success, even when they dont get it right. Cheers, Henry *Pages 71-72 from my book Boundaries for Leaders
Posted on: Tue, 29 Apr 2014 18:04:13 +0000
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