Hey Guys- First of all.... Happy New Year! I hope you are having a great start to your 2015! I had a conversation with someone over the weekend and something came to me that I wanted to share with you. I hope you find it helpful. Remember, when you come into someones space with a communication, their brain is scanning to determine whether you are a friend or a foe. That doesnt mean in the literal sense as the two of you may good friend for a long time already. What it means is that their brain is asking how to treat the interaction itself. The persons system is either going to be open to the information and to you, or if it perceives a threat, it will go into fight or flight, the natural option for dealing with adversaries. In addition, if you are talking to a male, it will be worse. Their brains will be more apt to react to negative information in a heightened way. So, often it is important to begin with an affirmation of either the person or the relationship, and where you want things to end up as a result of this conversation. If people know that you are talking about this issue so you can be better friends or make something easier, they know from the beginning that the outcome is not going to be that they are fired or rejected. That will calm down their brains and allow the information to come in. So, what Im saying is: Begin with affirming the person, the relationship, or the desired outcome. Heres an example of how one might go about this. Joe, I like working on projects with you, and I love how we work together, so I wanted to talk about a couple of things that could make it even better for me. When we have a deadline.... If it is an issue that is more serious or problematic, a little more focus may be needed, but the same elements apply. Sandy, I think you know how important you are to me and how much I am on your team. And I want us to be the best team possible and do great things together. To do that, there is something that happens that makes is hard for me sometimes, and I wanted to talk about it so we can do better. Certainly you will have your own wording and style. But the most important thing is that the person knows that you are for them and not against them, that your relationship is important, and that there is a positive future to this conversation. Knowing up front that your desire is for a better relationship, or personal relationship, helps the person to be at ease, and their level of defensiveness goes down. Something to keep in mind! Cheers, Henry
Posted on: Mon, 12 Jan 2015 18:14:48 +0000
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