Hey Guys- The first requirement to build trust is to connect through understanding the other person. Remember, people do not trust us when we understand them. They trust us when they understand that we understand them. What that means is not that we get it. What it means is that they get it that we get it. For that to happen, we have to listen and understand where they are really coming from, and truly connect with them, showing them that we understand. So that they know they have been connected with. That take time and attention. They need to feel it. That requires that we provide a space to get to know them, make it safe enough for them to be vulnerable, and show us what things are really like for them. In a team, that means that there is time and attention given to understanding each person, their function, what drives it, what makes it difficult, and so forth. I remember once, in a team meeting with my staff, when I gave an employee a project to do and a deadline. She told me there was no way she could do it. I disagreed, countering that it wasnt that big of a deal. In fact, I was certain she could get that project done in time without it taking away from the other objectives I had committed her to. She pushed back again, and I was bugged. I thought she was being negative and exaggerating the whole thing. I understood she thought it would be a lot of work, but from my vantage point, it was all very simple, very much a just-do-it proposition. As the conversation went on this way, I could tell she was getting amped up, even though she was not getting overtly mad. But I saw her chin trembling, not in sadness, but in anger. Her words were getting crisper and almost staccato as she said them. Then she said, OK, come here. I want to show you something. We went down the hall into her office, where she proceeded to outline all of the work that had been required the last time Id asked her to take on a task very much like this one. Wow, I could now see, it was complicated and time-consuming, involving interactions with federal agencies, professional agencies, and several businesses. The paper trail alone was daunting. I looked at her and said nothing for a moment. I was embarrassed at my clueless lack of understanding. Finally I just looked up and said, Im sorry. I had no idea. At that moment, I saw a few tears forming in her eyes. She finally felt understood, as she understood that I understood. If youd like to hear more on what builds and breaks trust, please check out my audio title: drcloud/collections/audio-downloads/products/what-build-and-breaks-trust Cheers, Henry
Posted on: Thu, 22 Jan 2015 18:53:17 +0000
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