Hey Guys, I want to talk to you guys a little bit about a big misunderstand out there and its the role guilt plays in our lives. Now, if you hear a lot of people talk what youre going to hear is that there is kind of this belief out there that there is good guilt and bad guilt. Ok, and what theyll say is that the good guilt is true guilt and the bad guilt is false guilt. You know, like if I dont send out one million Christmas cards to everyone on the planet then I feel bad, like Im a selfish person. We know thats not true and so people say, Well, thats not true. You shouldnt feel bad about that. But then someone else has the standard of, Well, you better send me one! And if you do that, thats a real violation and you better at least send them to the people youre close to. Then if you dont do that then youre really a selfish person... Or if you break some realistic or real moral code, then thats bad certainly there are actions that arent good. But what they feel is this condemning guilt, if youre actually a culprit of a real violation - then you should feel that. Then, if you feel that it leads to correction then you do better. So, thats kind of a commonly held belief. Now, heres what we know about real performance. If you can get rid of the word guilt for a second, instead of the word guilt think about how we need to feel some sort of pain or negative emotion or something that doesnt feel good when we do something bad.. then that is a great idea. But let me make a distinction between feeling guilt, which is a judgement or a badness and something else called feeling sorry. Now lets say for example that you have a relationship. Youre wanting to perform better in that relationship in some way and that person says, Gosh youre really ignoring me or that was kind of harsh what you said to me, or this that and the other.. All of a sudden youre going into, Im so bad, Im so bad. That was really awful. What does it do when you feel all of that guilt? Well the focus is on you, guilt is a pretty self involved emotional state. Not only that, its crushing and we feel bad and we feel condemned and ashamed and it sucks the life out of us so theres really not enough energy or motivation left for us to perform better. On the other hand, what is someone says to you, Youre kind of ignoring me or hurting me or that was kind of harsh. Then you feel sorry... what that means is not a guilt or a condemnation but youre kind of feeling sad, for them and sad about what it does for your relationship. So sadness over failure or some sort of remorse, that is actually sorrow that leads to change. This is a tiny excerpt from How Guilt Kills Improvement. If this is an area of growth for you or someone you know feel free to check it out here: store.drcloud/audio-downloads/how-guilt-kills-improvement.html I go into a lot more detail... Hope it helps! Cheers, Henry
Posted on: Tue, 08 Apr 2014 19:13:21 +0000
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