Hi Zane Im not sure if this is where Im suppose to message you from but I do want to keep this anonymous. Im 21 years old and been with a guy for 3 years almost four but knew him for over 9 years. The first 2 years was everything I ever wanted and more.. The only issue I had was that I always had my guard up.. I grew up in a home were my father would always beat on my mother and always talk down on her in front of my siblings and i, not only that but he would always talk down on me saying I would be worthless like my mom. And from then I knew that wasnt the type of relationship I wanted. As a father hes suppose to be the person to show you how a men is suppose to treat a women. This guy treated me like a queen .. I was scared though.. I didnt want to get hurt .. Slowly but surely he started to realize that I had my guard up and that I didnt want to give him my all.. He kept warning me about it but I never listened until one day he got feed up and completely started to change. I know this was the wrong time to prove to him that I loved him and actually wanted a future for the both of us I should of started to do it a while ago but as I said before I was scared to get hurt . I tried to make things right for a while!! And now Im expecting. He completely changed it went from we could go a whole day without talking to going days without talking. He barely ask how Im doing or how Im feeling or even ask hows the baby. He basically told me theres nothing to talk about. It makes me more than emotional cause I wanted a family.. I still try to make things work out and show him that I really loved him but he acts like he doesnt care when i poor my heart out to him he has nothing to say or if i say something that might upset him he wont talk about it and just leave me there crying .. He says hes not worried about a relationship hes worried about getting money.. Which I understand but sometimes I just need him there for me .. Im very emotional right now and going through a lot .. At this point idk what to do with him .. Please help me .. MY RESPONSE: First let me say that I am sorry that you were exposed to so much as a child. Parents need to realize that their behavior will have an effect on their children for life. With that being said, a lot of things could be going on right now with the father of your child and none of them are actually good. He may be immature and scared to be a father so young. He may have put his own walls up after trying to break yours down for so long. The relationship may have been too emotionally draining on him and he needed to step away. You are emotional now and going through a lot because you are pregnant and your hormones are all over the place. You need to seek some therapy so that you can understand that all men are not like your father. You need to realize that everyone is an individual and may not have those same traits. I get it, I do, and you will be fine in the long run. You cannot make the young man be with you at this point so what I would like for you to do is discuss a coparenting situation with him prior to the baby arriving. That is the mature thing to do in this case. The child is coming, regardless of whether or not you end up back together. He may be feeling pressure to be with you or else and that is not a good look either. Discuss the baby and plans for the birth and what happens next. If the rest is meant to be, it will happen over time. Good luck and try not to stress.
Posted on: Fri, 10 Oct 2014 15:33:59 +0000
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