Holiday Gatherings vs PTSD This is probably one of the toughest things there is! It’s family, it’s friends, it should not be problem, right? But what about when it’s combined with #PTSD? PTSD does not pick and choose who to be around and who not to, or when. Even if it is family and friends, it still brings a gathering, a crowd, expectations, the unknown, anxiety levels may go up, things out of a normal daily routine, etc. etc. It has nothing to do with “who it is”, it has to do with the symptoms of and PTSD itself. This can be very hard for people who know you or knew you before PTSD to grasp. This also brings times of meeting new people, or being around ones you are not use to being around on a regular basis. That can cause symptoms to increase as well. SO… What are things we can do to still be able to TRY to manage through gatherings and the holidays? * TRY! That is a key word to PTSD. See, PTSD brings a massive symptom of avoidance. When you give in completely to avoidance… don’t go, don’t make it out of the house, don’t at least attempt… you really don’t know honestly what you can manage through and what you can’t. That’s not being fair to yourself! You might just find a break in the day where you can actually enjoy seeing friends and/or family members. Even if it is only for a short time, give yourself a chance to see what you can actually accomplish. In order to do that, we have to know a little more about how. * Take a down day The day before an event or gathering, make it a day of relaxing, no high expectations, NOT a busy day. We found this helps the most when it comes to stepping out that door the following day. It leaves you with some level of energy and not being overwhelmed the day before an event. It leaves you with a few extra spoons for that gathering to come. ;) (The Spoon Theory one of the best ways to show or explain to others what any unseen disability is like. Even kids love learning and sharing this one with others. I have actually used this and YES it works for explaining how PTSD as well as Depression can effect a person. ;) ) * Gatherings at your own home We have personally found these are the easiest! If there is such a word as easy. But this is real life and everything in life is not going to take place in your own home, there’s a huge world out there for you. But, if the gathering is at your home, there are things you can do to help your day run as smoothly as possible. If you need a break from everyone, take it! Go to a room where you feel more at ease in and use your coping skills. It’s okay to step away from others for a little while when need be, then when you are ready to, go back and join them. Walk outside. This is something else that can help greatly! Get your mind off what is going on inside by taking in everything that is going on outside… the sounds, the sights, hopefully a little peace. Once anxiety comes back down or other symptoms, then go back inside with the others. You might have to tell someone “I just need to step outside by myself for a few minutes”, so others don’t follow you, and again that’s okay! If the gathering is outside, then step the opposite direction, head inside. ;) Use your coping skills!!! I cannot say that one enough. If you have not learned any as of now, then start learning before the holidays get here so you know how to use them correctly, so you are use to using them, and can notice when to use them. In honesty, everyone should learn coping skills whether they have PTSD or not. * Gatherings at another person’s home You can still use the same things that you would use at your own home! Just ask ahead of time or have the person you are going with ask if there is a room in the house you can go to or use if needed while there. It’s a simple “Sometimes [name] has a little anxiety with people he/she is not around a lot. Can they use one of the rooms if need be?” You can still ask without it being overly obvious if they do not know you suffer from PTSD. You can use the bathroom to step away to also. Great place for coping skills and giving you a few minutes to gather yourself… well, until someone else knocks on the door. But it will still give you a little time to yourself. Step outside. Normally on holidays people are in and out of a house anyway. So this will not always be extremely noticeable. If you have someone there that you are comfortable with, ask them if they want to take a short walk with you. That person can help you with coping and taking your mind off the gathering of people, or simply give you someone to talk things through with before returning. * Gatherings in public Make that plan! There are many things you can do to make it through a public gathering, or at least try to for a little while. And the bathroom “escape route” for coping works better in public then in a home. * Time to leave If you need to leave early before others do, that is okay! Don’t be hard on yourself or try to keep up with others. If you get to the point where you have tried and coping skills, meds., etc. are not helping enough and it’s just time to leave, that is okay! The fact is, if you went to a gathering, were able to make it out the front door and go, that is an accomplishment! You did something and put the effort into doing it and that is what counts!!! PTSD brings a lot of symptoms to battle and if you tried then you did NOT fail even if it comes time for you to leave early. The length of time you are somewhere is not what matters most, the fact that you made it there and tired IS! * Those that cannot make it out There are still going to be those who cannot make it out to gatherings. PTSD does not have a schedule, just a fact. You do not know when the good days or bad ones are going to come. If you are one that can not, even with trying, make it away from home, do not allow others to guilt trip you! Many times this will happen without the one saying the words even realizing what they are doing. Not everyone is going to understand PTSD or what comes with it. It’s just a hard fact that many still have not learned or may not care to learn. Do not allow those people to bring you down. The one thing that Craig and I have found works best is, “We would love to come and will try to make it, IF we can.” Simple phrases like this one shows you care, shows you do want to attend, but at the same time holds no promises. This also cuts down on your expectations, not only for or by others, but also on yourself! At times when expectations are removed or lessened, it helps reduce the “what if’s” and anxiety, which in turn gives more of a chance of being able to attend or at least try when that day comes. These are just a few things that may help with the holidays or any special event. One day at a time, one step at a time… and don’t give up if you have a day that you cannot manage getting out, tomorrow might be different. Always TRY! With this being Labor Day weekend, I wanted to share this with you. If you are out and about please be safe! Use those coping skills. And remember there will be many out there not making the wisest choices this weekend, PLEASE walk away from them if need be (or call them a cab ;) )! Please taken caution to ones which may trigger your PTSD symptoms! ;) ~Bec A Spouses Story PTSD
Posted on: Sun, 31 Aug 2014 09:09:57 +0000
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