Hollywood’s Morning Report: Sorry this is a little on the late side. However this morning I was playing Mr Mom. Thankfully with the help of my other half. She got up early, made breakfast for the kids then went to the gym to workout, shower and then hit her classes at St Mary’s. On her way out the door she tagged me in. Got up, woke the kids, got them dressed, served the breakfast she cooked (eggs, bacon, pancakes), fix hair, brush teeth, load the three in the car, drop off the boys at their school, then drop off Ms Evelyn at her school and now home. So! I was asked to enlighten about this “Peanut Butter Bandits” that have come up a couple of times thus far……. I was, as my section sup called me, “The Section Pitbull”. But not only for the section but for squadron. Hell for the whole Group actually. Nobody was safe; if they were doing wrong then they got it! As I was enjoying my lunch a young instructor was bending my ear about his flight and how they are tending to not listen to him and do what he is asking them to do. “Sir, they just don’t seem motivated and it’s like they just don’t care.” Awwwww, hell young Jedi, I have a remedy for that! What does your flight have this afternoon? “We have dorm app.” And where is your flight right now? “They just went upstairs and they are supposed to be getting their areas ready to work on. (me with a big smile) Go tell your student leaders to get everyone in the dayroom and then you come downstairs and get something to eat. I will have a conversation with your flight. With a quick “Yes Sir” he goes upstairs. Once I saw him come into the DFAC to get some food I got up from the Snake Pit, told my section sup……”I’m going to go and motivate his flight just a little bit” He laughed and said he would be in his office and to brief him when I was done. As I was walking up the stairs I was running through my different scripts and deciding which one to go with. As I stood at the door I noticed the face of the entry controller (dorm guard) when he saw me at the window and I knew at that moment that the flight knew who I was, had seen me and like most……Didn’t like me and were scared of me. (hee hee hee hee) And so I went with the instructor side of me trainees know as Satin. As I walked into the dorm and looked around at everyone who was just now making their way to the dayroom I talked to myself loud enough for the student leader close to me hear. (This makes them think you are crazy when you talk to yourself) “Didn’t their instructor just tell you that they were all in the dayroom waiting for you? Yes, that is what he told me. I don’t think these trainees know how you get when you have to wait for people. No, I don’t think they do. How much longer are you going to give them to get in there? Oh, I think they have had plenty of time, they just don’t want to listen to their instructor. But I will give them 30 more seconds before I take the second element leader and make him pack his shit and recycle him for a week. At this point all hell broke loose as the element leader in the range of my voice broke out yelling and directing traffic and forcing people into the dayroom. As I walked down the hall towards the dayroom I figured I would make a pitstop in the latrine and go number 1. As I stood at the urinal laughing to myself going over my “script” of….”Since you don’t want to listen to your instructor I am just going to recommend to your section supervisor to fire his ass and let me take this flight over and get every last one of you to cry yourself to sleep at night while you pray to God that my car get hit by a train, then a semi and then hit with lightning for good measure. Don’t worry, every flight I have had to fix does that, but what you don’t understand is that until the Devil is ready to retire I am stuck on earth bringing pain to hard headed trainees!” (sniff sniff)……….(sniff sniff)…………(sniff sniff)……….(thinking to myself) Why in the F am I smelling Peanut Butter in a latrine?! (sniff sniff)…….(sniff sniff) At this point in time I KNOW I smell peanut butter in this latrine! You can NOT tell a plumber that any kind of pee or poop will give off a peanut butter smell! I investigate……and I find a peanut butter plastic little cup in the trash under some paper towels. WHAT IN THE BLUE HELL?! OH YOU LITTLE SUCKAS GONNA GET IT TODAY! So I slowly stroll into the dayroom, slowly sit down in the chair, put my feet up on the desk and in a very soft, low voice…..”Now you know you can NOT bring food into this dorm, and yet I just found a peanut butter plastic little cut in the trash in the latrine. If you think that I am not going to find out who it was you are sadly mistaken. You have one minute to come forward to let me know it was you before your whole flight pays for it. I start the stop watch and begin to whistle. Shortly thereafter my boss comes in the dayroom and I say….”Oh you will never believe what I found in the latrine!” And I toss the cup up on the desk. I burst out laughing and tell him, I’m about to find out who it was. He replies with, “You found THAT in MY dorm?!” Yes sir, in the latrine under some paper towels. He looks at me and tell me, “Let me know who it was….Your leash is off!” Now at this point let me tell you, I really don’t know how I know some of the things that I do! There have been times when I have amazed myself! But something told me that there was still some peanut butter in this dorm, so with all these dummies in the dayroom and nobody standing up and saying it was them I told the dorm guard to come inside the dayroom and everyone in that flight was going to strip down to their draws unless the person who did it mans up! Nobody said a word so I told them to start strippin down. You would think at this point these fools would have said Hoooooold up! You got us! We have peanut butter! But trainees are NOT very smart! There were three of them; they never said it was me, him or us. These dummies waited until the flight was down to their underwear and socks and then (that noise……plastic hitting tile) I look up…..WTF was that?! Then that noise happens again! “Are you kidding me?!” That noise happened four times! These SMUGGLERS from the Peanut Butter Clan had these little cups of peanut butter IN THEIR UNDERWEAR! In butt cracks, under balls……hell I don’t know where exactly but I do know that the peanut butter cups were falling like rain drop in that dorm that day! And so the Peanut Butter Smuggling Clan became the laugh at the Snake Pit. Don’t ask me how I knew they had some on their person cause I really have no idea, just that MTI 6th sense I guess, but the look on that kids face when it fell out of his draws sure was classic! I leave you today with this: Actually I don’t have anything after this memory from BMT because I am still laughing about it! Need to make my MTI time into a movie. Just enjoy your Tuesday folks! Laugh as much as you can! Much Love! NOW DANCE!
Posted on: Tue, 09 Sep 2014 15:07:06 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015