How far would you go to please a man? :) Now, now. Im not talking about any kinky, Shades of Gray-ish nonsense. Im talking about what youre willing to do, within reason, to be what is attractive to your guy. Personally, I never thought this topic would come up between Poy and I--until recently, when the proverbial shit hit the fan between us. First, let me premise this story by saying I was inspired to write it after reading a post by Raven titled I dress for men. She claims that men hate cardigans, maxi dresses, bubble necklaces, red lipstick, and the infamous blogger topknot. While I tend to avoid generalizations and am sure that there are probably plenty of exceptions to this rule, I found myself laughing and nodding my head in agreement throughout Ravens entire post. Why? Because Poy and I JUST had this fight conversation a couple months ago. Before that time, I probably would have been one of the girls that got a little huffy and said, actually, I dress for me, and I should hope my boyfriend loves me the way I am! And believe me, when this topic came up between myself and Poy, I wasnt thrilled to hear his opinions on some of the ways Ive been presenting myself lately. It was a sunny afternoon. I was PMSing. Already this is going badly, eh? I was feeling insecure and fishing for compliments from Poy, but since men dont understand the whole no means yes and yes means no rule that automatically takes effect during PMS, he mistook one of my compliment-fishing questions for an actual, legitimate question, and made the grave error of answering me honestly. Long story short, it came out that he hates my hair in a bun, thinks I look absurd in red lipstick, doesnt like the vintage frumpy look to some of the clothes Id been buying, and he also made several other points that served as daggers directly to the left ventricle of my heart. I did the reasonable thing upon hearing these would-be insults to my style, and stormed off, stomping and slamming doors in my wake. How could he criticize something as personal as a womans sense of style? How dare he act as though I should live to please him! This is two-thousand-and-effing-fourteen, and women dont gravel at the feet of their men any more! How dare he say a word against my hair or clothes or choice in lipstick! I spent several more days being furious with him. I was afraid to tell anyone about this argument we had, because in my mind, it made Poy look unforgivable. But finally, I talked to a friend about it. A friend I respected and knew would give me honest feedback. I expected her to be angry with Poy--to join sides with me on my nail his balls to the wall! campaign. But to my utter amazement, she only told me that she had gone through something similar with her own boyfriend... something that resulted in the two of them going through her closet together, he pointing out what he loved her in and what he didnt. Bottom line was this: she didnt really care if it was right or wrong from a feminists perspective. She wanted to please him, and to wear things that he found her most attractive in. After I picked my jaw up off the floor, I started to come back down to earth after my several days of heightened fury with poor Poy. After hearing that something so similar had happened to another couple I looked up to, and their relationship lived to tell the tale, it all became... less horrible. And then I talked to my mom about it, and it all became even more less horrible. Suddenly it made sense to me to know when Poy found me most attractive and when he didnt. It seemed reasonable to wear the stuff he loves when Im around him, and wear the fashion-y stuff that I like when Im out with friends or in outfit posts or something. I decided that, when Im around my boyfriend, yes. I would dress for men. Not really men, though. HIM. :) Still, I can see how this point of view would bother some women. Many would likely have the reaction that I first had and think screw em if he doesnt like the way I dress or my favorite shade of lipstick! But as for that mentality, I think Ive just decided that maybe this is what theyre talking about when they say a successful relationship is hard work and compromise and sometimes sacrifice. And it helps to know that Poy would make changes for me, too, if I asked. Bending your own will to please someone you love isnt always a bad thing, or a sign of giving in to chauvinistic male domination. But as a certain wildly popular erotic fiction series might suggest, maybe thats what a good chunk of us ladies are craving, anyway? Im not sayin that, but Im just sayin. :)
Posted on: Sun, 16 Mar 2014 08:21:16 +0000
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