How selfish am I to miss what I still possess? Im going on 22 hours without sleep after a 12 hour shift and Im still afraid of her sweet smile haunting my dreams or the lack of her physical presence beside me when I wake up! I know what presides over my own hearts desire! Her happiness! The truth is, when she left me... She DIDNT! I still feel all the love she ever had for me. All that she ever will. What she took was only the form she uses to walk among us as an angel. Most of you confuse letting go and holding on as 2 different things. Im letting go of my wants and holding onto their needs. She tried so hard to let me know how much she loved me, but how could I accept that if I couldnt love myself first? That was where all of my doubt stemmed from. How could a wonderful person like her ever love a poor boy like me? I have nothing to offer anybody! It was too good to be true. So I chose not to believe it. I drove them out but I suppose that was for the better. Ive always prided myself in faith of commitment and strength of character. Now I see she held mine higher in her purest of hearts but it broke both of ours in the process. Forgiving myself for doubting her purity brought me closer to her love than we ever could have accomplished together. She said I drank too much but I dont blame the booze. I blame myself. I said we never had enough time together but with her really being everywhere at once for the boys and me, I should have simply made better urs of the time we had. Its funny what you learn after you realize you cant show it. I miss hearing the boys too. So much, but I wasnt much of a role model. Thinking back however, I never saw them as a package deal or baggage. I need to thank them! I wouldnt love her as much without those boys. Happy Thanksgiving Christy Lynn Collins. Thanks to your eternal love I understand the word Thanksgiving.
Posted on: Sun, 24 Nov 2013 05:59:44 +0000
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