I Am Ruined: My Encounter with the Overwhelming Holiness of GOD Now I became a Christian when I was very young on my mother’s lap and much later on, I recommitted my life to Christ and was formally baptized at my old church. None of these experiences was quite as extraordinary as what happened to me one day in the quiet privacy of my own bedroom. While alone in my bedroom, I was reading someone else’s personal account of the holiness of God. Something about this person’s account of God truly convicted me. Even though I did not see any bright lights or anyone at all, suddenly without warning there was an overwhelming presence of God, which I have never experienced before in my life. Without any thought about what I was doing, I threw myself flat on the ground and then I wept and wept with agony and was exceedingly remorseful. At that point, I caught a small glimpse of the incredible and awesome holiness of God and I simultaneously grasped the horror of my own lack of holiness. I recalled many of the things I had done in my past that had never previously struck me as being any problem or even a big deal. There really are not words to describe the deep anguish I experienced over the realization of my miserable sinful past. I literally felt that I was ruined. In addition, these were thoughts that came to my mind—ruination—such ruin—such remorse—regret—utter ruin. I knew I was near a Holy God and there was nothing good about me at all. I despaired greatly over my horribleness. The experience was staggering and I really have no earthly explanation for it. But after such great remorse set in over my horrible past, I felt a great sense of peace—the kind you feel after a storm comes through and the way you feel after the rain has stopped and there is a fresh spring feeling in the air. I felt that kind of incredible peace. I knew I had an actual encounter with God—but God showed me an event from my distant past. I cannot say for certain if I was given a vision or if it was just brought to mind. This was something I had not thought of for many, many years. When I was a very young girl, my parents would stay for visits at my grandparent’s house in Lafayette, Indiana. About two blocks from my grandparent’s home was a small church within a very old converted grocery store. I used to walk down to this little church all by myself. Strangely, for a very brief moment, I saw myself walking down a sidewalk going to this church by myself. Even though my parents had Christian parents and were committed Christians later in their lives, they never took me to church while I was young and growing up. Only God could bring up this memory from my past at that particular moment. I believe that He was letting me know that He was with me even then when I was going to church alone as a young child—He was with me even then. Right after this life-changing encounter with God happened, without knowing why or how, I was simply supernaturally led to turn to the verses in Isaiah 6. I know for a fact that God directed me to this passage, because at the time I was only interested in reading the New Testament and not the Old Testament at all. I had no foreknowledge about this particular passage in Isaiah and I had no idea why I was directed to turn to this passage. Incredibly, when I read the verse I was amazed by what I read and I absolutely related to Isaiah’s experience in this verse where Isaiah describes his utter agony of being in the presence of a holy God as being ruined. Isaiah 6:1-7: Isaiahs Commission In the year that king Uzziah died I saw also the LORD sitting upon a throne, high and lifted up, and his train filled the temple. Above it stood the seraphims: each one had six wings; with twain he covered his face, and with twain he covered his feet, and with twain he did fly. And one cried unto another, and said, Holy, holy, holy, is the LORD of hosts: the whole earth is full of his glory. And the posts of the door moved at the voice of him that cried, and the house was filled with smoke. Then said I, Woe is me! For I am undone; because I am a man of unclean lips, and I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips: for mine eyes have seen the King, the LORD of hosts. Then flew one of the seraphims unto me, having a live coal in his hand, which he had taken with the tongs from off the altar: And he laid it upon my mouth, and said, Lo, this hath touched thy lips; and thine iniquity is taken away, and thy sin purged. Also, right after this incredible event I know the Lord immediately directed me next to a section of verses in Hebrews 12:4-11 and I had no explanation why I turned to this passage other than the Lord also led me to it. Hebrews 12:4-11: Ye have not yet resisted unto blood, striving against sin. And ye have forgotten the exhortation which speaketh unto you as unto children, My son, despise not thou the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of him: For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth. If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not? But if ye be without chastisement, whereof all are partakers, then are ye bastards, and not sons. Furthermore we have had fathers of our flesh which corrected us, and we gave them reverence: shall we not much rather be in subjection unto the Father of spirits, and live? For they verily for a few days chastened us after their own pleasure; but he for our profit, that we might be partakers of his holiness. Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby.
Posted on: Tue, 05 Nov 2013 07:25:36 +0000
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