I Love Her and She Loves Me, Unconditionally As I was writing my latest poem, I had an interesting insight. In the poem I circled around it but I dont think I quite captured it... Always, for years, my poems talk of the me of yesterday - misunderstood and desperate for healing. In this latest poem, and in real life, I long for the old me. However, in this instance, the old me is strong and centered. During this most recent relationship, which Ive written about too much for my own peace of mind, I lost my center. I have been awakening, healing and growing for five years. I loved the confident~competent~capable woman I had become. I humbly admit the turmoil of jealousy and insecurity made this blooming woman wilt pathetically. This regressive state of ego has made me long for the me I thought I brought into this relationship; not the sad, confused, hurting role I am currently playing. So, for whatever its worth, for the first time, Im beaming at the knowledge that I long to return to the woman I was. I was truly there. I was blooming in all of my glory - special, radiant, colorful and a beauty to behold. Again, still, I dont know if I am capturing this fully... Ive often encouraged others by saying: Imagine your best self ever. You are happy, fulfilled, living a life full of purpose. You are healed and whole, with a spring in your step and a love for life. First, and only, focus on healing what is holding you back. If you are open and brave, these things will be revealed. You are worthy of an abundant life, rich with love and all you desire. (Several close friends may recall this vision shared intimately, from my heart to theirs.) I shared this insight, which was my personal vision, I feel was sweetly instilled in my heart in my most desperate hour of need. I had just left my second abusive relationship. I was trying to rebuild my life for the sake of my children. I could no longer avoid blame. I had to own my role in the poor decisions I had made. As I always say now, perhaps even casually and confidently - but hit like a thunderbolt at the time - I am the common denominator in these experiences. This is when my journey truly began. I really was happy and whole. I truly had become the essence of Love. I honestly felt anointed with Truth. I was zinging with Inspiration. This was five years in the making and it felt authentic; all my own yet connected in Oneness. So now I find myself longing for a previous self. Its become a habit to dote on her, lavishing love and understanding on her, encouraging her to bloom, urging her to be brave and claim Truths. She did all of that. She shined and sparkled. Now, in turn, she is forwarding all of that to me now, again. Wow! I love her and she loves me, unconditionally.
Posted on: Sun, 10 Aug 2014 23:50:20 +0000
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