I, along with everybody else was very saddened about the passing of Robin Williams. We just can’t seem to get enough of these stories. The more details, the better. I was reading all of the messages from other celebrities, I was surprised that only one said “if you are sad, tell somebody.” One. I have written about my sister who took her own life. I can say, the families of these people pay a heavy price. The questions that linger. The “what ifs”. I don’t know Mr. Williams, I had no idea that he had suffered depression for so long. What I do know is that people take their lives every day. The emptiness that they must feel is unimaginable. My sister had made several attempts before she succeeded. Big attempts. We used to have coffee every morning. I can still hear her voice. “Coffee ready?” Every day, the same phone call. The same question. She tried to put a lilt in her voice that would hide how very dark her existence had become. It was a futile exercise. She was so sad, it was palpable. We had her admitted to a psyche hospital. She had a Psychiatrist that met with her twice a week. But in the end, it wasn’t enough. I asked my oldest son if he was surprised by Mr. Williams suicide. It was I who was surprised by the bluntness of his reply. “No. Anybody who seems so manic, but in their quiet, they have nowhere else to go.” After he answered, I said nothing. I was really amazed at the insight of mental illness he had. We don’t know the depth of his depression. It must have been so terrible that he would leave his kids to clean this up. To wonder if they had done one more intervention. I know for years we wondered the same things about my sister. When Lex and Spencer were in high school, a kid that had just started going there took his own life. I was immediately concerned. They wanted to go to the viewing. I went with them. The school held the funeral, I was right there. Why? Because I know that when these kids see a hundred other kids crying and devastated, there is an appeal to it. They really didn’t know this boy, but I can see how kids would find this scenario amazing. They tend to romanticize having so many cry and weep for them. On the way home, I spoke bluntly and from the heart. I explained the best I could that everybody wants the world to be moved by our actions. I needed them to grasp that when they were graduating, this boy would still be in the ground. They will be married one day, but that boy? Still in the ground. Frozen at age 14. They did a lot of eye rolling, and sighs. But the still in the car after my speech made me hope they got my point. We have never spoke of him again. I feel the message that should be learned from Mr. William’s tragic end will be lost. Gone in the fray of people trying to put themselves in his life somehow. To get a sound byte. To be seen as somebody who knew him. To have the right to be bereaved. His family, his kids, and the closest of friends have that right. The rest of us sit on the side lines, watching. This darkness, the feeling that nothing will ever get better, if this is you, please ask for help. This story will go away in due time. It will never go away from his wife and kids. But for the rest of us, life certainly goes on. My sister died December 10, 1999. I go to her grave many times a week. I still pour coffee, just the way she took it over her final resting place. She took her own life. She saw no other way. I will always be a little broken because of that. I know Mr. Williams family will take a long time healing. But the scars will never go away. If you are sad, tell somebody. This hoopla we are seeing will go away. He will never see another sunrise. He will never laugh, or cry, or see his grandchildren. He was sick. In a place so black the strongest of lights couldn’t penetrate the space he filled. So he ended it. That is tragic! Please, tell somebody if you are considering this. Please get help. The people you leave will be in a puddle of tears for too long. For ever. It is a hard thing to accept. I wish my sister had told us. I guess she did, we just didn’t see it. RIP. All who have died in this manner. We miss all of you. Famous or not, we remain shattered. I miss you Bon. The coffee is ready. My prayers are with the family of Mr. Williams. Have a nice day. Support Independent writers. Let’s talk tomorrow. Ruth
Posted on: Tue, 12 Aug 2014 20:05:23 +0000
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