I always knows the right thing to say, immediately after the right time to say it has passed. Why do people in movies keep all their lights off when they hear a noise? I’d be lighting that place up like friggin’ Times Square. Men like football because the priorities in football are also the biggest priorities in every man’s life…. Scoring and Ball Security. Why is the number 11 not pronounced “onety-one”? Dear America, stop making stupid people famous. I’m holding cheerleader tryouts for my fantasy football team. Best friends can see the difference between your fake smile and the real one. I swear I’m exhausted all day until I finally get in bed and try going to sleep. 2014 is in 4 months.. Let that sink in. Does anyone else have a plastic bag full of plastic bags in their house, or is it just me? I love how in scary movies the person yells out ‘Hello?’ As if the killer is going to be like ‘Yeah I’m in the kitchen, want a sandwich?’ In an elevator I like to pull out a picture of myself and ask people “have you seen this person?” Nothing’s funnier than a baffled senior citizen reading a slang word out loud. They shouldn’t call it a “homestyle” restaurant unless you can eat in front of the TV. Maybe early risers just aren’t as awesome at sleeping as I am. Apologizing doesn’t mean you’re right or wrong, it just means you value your relationship more than your EGO. Breathe, it’s just a bad day.. not a bad life. I wish I could google the things I’ve misplaced. My bank lets me send a text message and it’ll text back with my balance. It’s a cool feature but I didn’t think the LOL was necessary. Part of me says I can’t keep drinking like this. The other part of me says, “Don’t listen to that guy. He’s drunk.”
Posted on: Sun, 01 Sep 2013 14:01:41 +0000
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