I am going to Emory Hospital on Thursday for some pretty important test to see if the chemo is working its magic. I feel very optimistic and hope the surgeon I see after my MRI and C Scan will deliver good news. I am mentally prepared for anything- I know this journey will not be a straight road and being patient and positive is key to beating the devil inside of me. I am going to an oncological liver surgeon (who would have known there was such a specialty?) Never met him before but he comes highly recommended from my oncologist and having surgery at Emory would be great (cant think of a hospital with a better reputation in the world). My world and that of my family was turned upside down with my diagnosis but I was thinking the other day driving to Charlotte that there had to be some good that came out of it. Didnt have to think hard to come up with some good that came from my cancer diagnosis. 1. Perspective- Nothing gives you perspective like looking over the cliff of your own mortality. It is something I lacked my whole life, I am grateful to have it now and will benefit from it for the rest of my life (50 years!!) 2. Closer relationship with my wife- the prospect of loss makes for self reflection and makes you assess what is important in life. Amanda and I have been married for 22 years and I knew I loved her more than anything but I think it is human nature to take things for granted. I took the fact that we would grow old together for granted and in doing so took her for granted. This horrible disease has made me appreciate how special our relationship is and what a great future we have together. All of our hopes and dreams are in front of us- Shame on me for taking it for granted, I will NEVER do it again. 3. Empathy with people who are having a difficult time with chemo from my type of cancer and other cancers. My Oncologist office is a beautiful place but to many people suffer in there. You can see and feel the pain, not only of the patients but of the families as well. I have handled the chemo well and continue to have a normal life with my cancer. I am not sure if or how long it will continue but I am grateful that for these months I am able to work with my chemo and still have an active life. I feel for those who cannot. 4. My Business partners and their support- when you have shared money and have been partners as long as we have been you grow close. In my time of uncertainty and need their support was total and unwavering the whole time. They have allowed me to work when and how I can, to participate in the business, it has helped my mental state more than I can say. One of the side effects of cancer is to feel sorry for yourself, having the feeling of relevance in my business has helped me to keep my mind clear with my treatment. 5. My Kids are alright- when you look at the possibility of your own death one of the things you start to think about is how will my death affect those closest to me (wife and kids) where I know a lot of folks would hate to see me not beat this disease the day to day lives of my wife and kids would be affected in a severe way. My kids are grounded, focused good human beings, they have a great future ahead of them. In my heart I feel that my kids are better off if I am around to give advice, hopefully act as a positive role model etc. But if that is not the case I have the comfort of knowing that Amanda with the support of our Friends and Family will be able to point our kids in the right direction and their ability to be happy successful members of society wont be impaired by me loosing this battle. I dont intend to loose it but that thought has removed ALL FEAR I have of this disease. I fight with a strong heart and will as I know the cancer cannot touch anything that is really important to me. I dont want this to sound negative at all because I more positive than ever that I will beat this and do it pretty quickly- I will have to live as a cancer survivor the rest of my life but that is a badge I will wear with honor and reverence!!
Posted on: Sat, 01 Nov 2014 18:45:33 +0000
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