I am indulging myself so much lately! A Bose speaker, tent camping equipment, a kayak, carmel milkshakes, and now, Haagen Dazs Italian Gelato treats. Jeez Im starting to feel like Im having a fling with myself. And maybe in some odd way, I am. Perhaps what I need to do right now is get to intimately know this new woman I have already become, and am still becoming. She certainly isnt who I would have thought she would be a couple of years ago. This crazy lady is developing a much larger lust for life and taste for adventure than I would have imagined. Im not ready to jump out of a perfectly good airplane, but, I am ready to go tent camping and kayaking. I even want to learn how to do some river kayaking that might include a few little rough water spots. Im not talking white water rapids here. Just some of the rocky rough spots Ive scoped out already as I look for spots along the Guadalupe to drop a kayak in. I dont see me doing white water rapids. Of course, I didnt see me kayaking at all, so really, who the hell knows what I might wind up doing in that kayak? I sure as hell dont know at this point. The only thing I do know for certain is that I am becoming a true free spirit. In some ways I have always been a free spirit in as much as even while Larry was alive and I was devoting all my time to him I still was living life on my terms. Giving him that devotion and care at the end was my choice, my decision. I have NO regrets about doing that. But, that is over now. And I have to move on and create a life for me now. Devoted to me. Yes, I said a life devoted to me. As selfish as that sounds, I mean to do just that. I have in one way or another looked after someone most of my life. From my mother, to my son, then my husband. My mother and husband are both gone now, my son is grown and is the kind of wonderful man any mother would be proud of. It is time to live life now just for me. Yes, my son and his family are VERY important to me. But, I cannot live for them, or through them. I must live for myself, and yes through myself. Do the things I want to do. Go to places I want to go. In doing that I am keeping my promise to my son that I will take care of myself. Right now, Im still curled up in bed sipping my first cup of tea watching and listening this wonderful rain falling. Though there are tears in my heart as I mark this 4th Sunday of his passing, there is also joy in my heart because I know I did do everything I could for him, and I am now free to move on with my life and live it entirely on MY terms. So, watch out world, BB is on her own, and though sad in some ways because she is a widow, in other ways filled with joy because I know I am strong enough, bold enough, BB enough to do that. Blessed be to all my friends who have helped me reach this point in my life. Your support means more to me than you realize.
Posted on: Sun, 25 May 2014 14:45:04 +0000
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