I am still struggling to on my writing, trying to get better each time. I write little short stories or drafts to help considering I have so much creativity. I am going to post one of my stories and in hopes of getting some feedback on it, maybe some constructive criticism. I know I have many errors, like in the grammatical area, punctuation and paragraphing. Just let me know please. Thank you. Stranger At The Gates: The mystery of a man who wanders about the streets of a small quiet town. The creepiness that lingers from just his presence. People cringe in fear at the mere sight of this man. This man vaguely speaks, but when he does, his voice is a deep tone a bit raspy as well. This man keeps the character of a stranger alive with his presence. The clothes he wears are a little dirty and rugged, filled with stains that some dare to not ask. His hair long and bangs almost covering his eyes which seemed layered with filth, just like his mind. The small little town of Mystic Creek had a disturbing stranger walking about, shedding fear in all the people. This man would seem to walk around the town majority of the day while visiting old taverns, where he would sooth his palate with cheap whiskey. Once nightfall had come, he would go to his most reluctant spot, right in front of the Robinsons luxury home. He would find enjoyment by standing at the gates which were security locked. The Robinsons are a small family of 4. Frank and Claudia who are husband and wife, then there two children Adam and Victoria. Adam was your typical college student as he was going to college in another town for marketing, while his sister (Victoria), was 17 turning 18 within a month. She had a little job after school as a waitress a few nights out of the week. Frank worked 3rd shift at a paper mill making good money. He was a very hard worker and normally very friendly to everyone. He was your regular average hard working male. Frank was also a very clean individual. He believed in showering twice a day just about providing he had the time. His short brown hair he had recently had cut was always kept real nice, he also was usually clean shaved as he tried to keep up for work. Frank had a great build on him as he was toned out from his occasional workouts on the weekend also during the week, and working too. Claudia was your classy uptown dame, she loved to shop and worked at a clinic helping people also making great money. She was a very slender woman with long curly black hair. Although she loved shopping she knew how to budget her money, at least most of the time. A few days out of the week she would bring Victoria with her, so they could do some mother and daughter shopping while having a good time as well. Claudia only worked during the day considering it was a clinic, it would close at 5pm. She had plans to switch jobs and go work at the uptown hospital and just be a RN. So until then her schedule at the clinic would have her working days. Victoria was a very pretty girl. She was very good in school. Honor rolls as well. She was planning to be valedictorian and prom queen. She was the schools top cheerleader. Victoria stood at maybe 58 and was about 105-110lbs. Long straight blondish brown hair. She had a great tan to her as she went tanning on the weekends and to her aerobics classes. So she definitely stayed in shape. She had the goal to be a singer or dancer once out of school. She was on her senior year in high school. Her parents had helped her with a license and a car. She had a nice red cavalier convertible, ran good and got to where she needed to go. She also loved to read while practicing her singing and dancing during the week when she was home. Victoria was more of a mommys girl even though she tried to be closer to her father but it didnt always work out that way. However both Adam and Victoria were loved almost equally the same from each parent. At times Victoria didnt get home til almost 10 at night cause of her job as waitress at the restaurant. She usually left the restaurant at about 9:30-9:45. Which was right around the time Frank would be ready to start heading to his mill job. Frank worked at 10pm. Most of the time, Claudia and Victoria were the only ones home except for on weekends. They never noticed anyone by the gates as they clearly didnt pay attention very much. The strange man started leaving the taverns around 9:30 as he knew, Mr. Robinson left for work around that time. This man would get to the gates, around 10:00-10:15pm. Once he stood at the gates, he would peer through them, all the way up to the house and through the windows, as he watched for Claudia and Victoria. The stranger was very intrigued by the two women in the house. As was attractive by them so much he had become obsessed both of the women. He had established his own little fetish about Claudia and Victoria as it swirled inside the strange mans mind. So every night at the same time he stood outside the gates and watched them and their daily routines. He stood with the most the darkest, sinister looks on a person, followed by a sharp twisted and devilish like grin. The man looked in a sick way pleased. Though one night Claudia had looked out the living room Window which was a bay window, and she saw the man for a sheer couple minutes. Claudias view of the man at their gates looking at her gave her sudden chills as well as a fear that ran through her like as if she had saw the most eerie thing in her life. But she would look away to try and clear her head from what she saw, then to look back to see if the man was still there and he was gone. Its like he vanished like one of the old time vampires or a distinctive illusion. Since the man was gone she had felt as if was just a one time thing that creepy man was standing by her gates stalking her home or that it was just her imagining things. Was it? Did he really exist? Was he just in her mind? Did she really see a stranger at the gates? We shall see... To be continued..... [Cont]
Posted on: Sun, 07 Sep 2014 12:21:04 +0000
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