I came through my 12th(pre-degree) in 1985 from MSM college Kayamkulam where I had been with one of my distant maternal relatives for the purpose of study although it was in the second attempt since I was not qualified in HIndi for the promotion. And the same college offered me course of under-graduation in Maths on my application. My plea to extend my stay at my relative’s house for a period of three more years was taken on board with certain initial reluctance. Thus my second term of sojourn with my relative and academic pursuit in the same collage got underway. I was very emasculated with very hollow cheeks and sunken eyes, which gave me a very bad look and I thought in the onset of adolescence that no girl could ever gravitate me in love. And I also found that I had nothing exceptional worth within me that could increase my acceptance and approval among friends and classmates. Only one difference that drew distinction between me and rest of students in the under-graduation was that I was an atheist and had read a lot of books on atheism whereas my all colloquies were conventional believers of three predominant religions of the state. Albeit they had not read their scriptural books, they always wanted to establish in arguments that their religion was superior and infallible to the rest. There were 32 students for under-graduation among only a quarter of them were girls. I was nervous and introvert who wished to be lonely away from company particularly from girls. I never took interest in girls unlike most of my classmates who enjoyed a lot flirting with them. I was too pusillanimous and timid to mix up with fellow female classmates. I found greater enjoyment in books on those days particularly books related to religion and philosophy. Some time I carried books to the class to comprehend them in free periods. I sat at a corner of the class in the absence of of lectures to devour the books I had carried. Once one of my female classmates took note of a few non academic books stuffed between my textbooks and note books. She proceeded towards me and inquired about my books and the subjects. i was very excited and enraptured at the advancement and got to explain her my philosophy. On an another occasion she came to me and asked for a book on atheism to read at her home. I gave her cheerfully a malayalam book written by A T Kovoor. A few days after on returning the book, she expressed keenness to know about me and what took me to atheism. She invited me to go down with her onto the lawn to discuss about it. We talked a lot about books and atheism sitting on the college lawn. She was one of the most beautiful girls in the class, who kept high modesty and simplicity in both presentation and behaviour. But I did not find any premeditated intention in her dealings. She came a little far away from my relative’s house. My cousin and her younger brothers were friends. 3 months sped fast. I was infatuated with her. I began to love her and dream of a life with her. But she did not show any such interest other than books and atheism. Soon a mishap occurred in my relative’s family. His daughter fell in love with a man and both decided to live together. The family was in disarray at the shock of her decision. An overcast spread across the continuation in the campus as a student staying at the same house. One night I had to leave my study and uncle’s family abruptly and left for Kozhikanam. I registered in Kerala university as a private student for BA and studied. Passed BA and the joined for MA in the same university as a private student. I started a tutorial college at Elappara and began my life as a principal. Meanwhile I got an offer in Nepal for the post of a lecture. I met my wife here and married. And had a baby son. Then opened a school. In 1998 I got a chance to revisit my relative. I simply inquired about my college and about the girl who had collected books from me while studying first year under-graduation. He told her details that she became a lecturer of the same college after her M phil and happily got married with a fellow lecturer. Before my departure, I decided to visit my old college. I proceeded to the college and went up straightly to my old class. It looked intact in the same way it used to be. I imagined for a while myself once again to be a student of the same class with all old classmates. After a while I came down to the ground floor to take leave of the college. Soon I noticed a group of lady teachers moving together up the stairs. I gazed at one face, which still had in my mind. I recognised that face. I went up to her and said excuse me. And wanted her to be little aside. She consented. We took ourselves to the corner. I asked her if she recognised me. For its replay she said she had no idea. I introduced myself to her with the class, year and batch details along with her book collection and my atheism. Soon she retrieved me from her old memories. She said sorry for not having recognised me. A few minutes we talked about our present life. On my turn I asked her, “Can I ask you a naughty question?” She said ‘never mind’. I said to her’ I was interested in you and was in love, but could not have the gut to reveal to you.’ She without any inhibition on face said to me ‘You would have told me at that time for I too loved you and waited to hear it from you” I was bit upset over the loss. But did not show it on my face. Did not wait long. Came down to the car and moved off to Cochin. (though there autobiographical elements, it is not free from fiction)
Posted on: Mon, 08 Sep 2014 11:25:52 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015