I cant wait to tell you about my most recent trip. Its all below, in a small slice of this weeks Mine Creek Revelation column in The Leader. Youll have to subscribe to the paper or go to our online site to see the rest of the column. As usual, you can rely on the complete objectivity and truth of the column. A lot of people dont know that before I write a column, I take a dose of Footsies Truth Serum. ++++++ ATOOMI BOOMBA! ARABIC LORETTA CALLED TO MUSLIM PRAYER I have mentioned once before that the Garmin device which ‘tells’ me how to drive to Arkie Road Trip destinations is nicknamed Loretta. I selected a woman’s voice because I am accustomed to being bossed around by women, see? But on the way back from Mt. Magazine last week, I decided just for fun to get adventurous with the Garmin (the device, not Loretta). I remembered that when I first turned it on for the set-up I was given the choice of languages: French, Spanish, German, Japanese, English, Arabic. So, on a whim on my way home I thumbed back to that spot and changed the language to Arabic. One of the worst things I ever did. I was driving along enjoying the instructions in that really awful-sounding language, when suddenly Arabic Loretta ordered me over to the side of the road. The words sounded sorta like a chicken being sqwushed under a steamroller. Okay, okay you’re asking yourself how did I know that Arabic Loretta wanted me to turn off the highway since I understand neither Arabic nor sqwushed chicken all that good. The answer is that when a foreign language is being spoken by the Garmin, there are English subtitles on that little bitty screen. I looked at the screen because Arabic Loretta was shouting something that sounded like “Atoomi Boomba, Atoomi Bomba!” Surely she’s not threatening me with an atomic bomb, I said to myself nervously. I decided not to argue, and I pulled onto a side road. Then, Arabic Loretta ordered me to turn the nose of my pickup truck toward the East. I looked at the screen and the English subtitles explained that I was now facing Mecca, and would be for the next five minutes while Arabic Loretta did her Muslim prayers. This happened twice more on the way home, until I finally wised up and switched back to English. I’m glad she didn’t find out that I stopped for a BBQ pork sandwich. And bought a lottery ticket. How do you say “recalculating” in Arabic? ●-●-● MUCH OF THE WEEKEND was spent traveling, with or without the assistance of Arabic Loretta or English Loretta. First, I went to Mt. Magazine for a newspaper meeting. It was fairly balmy before I started up Arkansas’s highest mountain, but by the time I reached midway there were icicles hanging from roadsigns. Also halfway up the mountain I had to pop my ears. Same on the way down. The top half of the mountain was completely engulfed in thick fog, Saturday, when I was in a hurry. From Mt. Magazine I headed east to Maumelle for the musical event of the year. Miss Carsyn Elizabeth Murphy, age 10, was singing the role of Dorothy in the Pine Forest Elementary School’s fifth-grade production of “The Wizard of Oz.” The iconic American musical is observing its 75th anniversary this year, and there’s stuff about it everywhere on television, on the Internet and in newspapers. Even at the Oscars. Seems to me that I saw something about the last ‘Munchkin’ dying a few years ago. At any rate, I do believe that everyone who was in that movie has now followed the Yellow Brick Road to that great Emerald City in the sky. Or, they went to be with the Wicked Witch of the East, She’s probably in Austin, Texas where (as both of you know) the Devil lives. Without going into too much detail, Miss Murphy was the star of the show. She was the darling of the audience, of course, and she acted and sang splendidly. Judy Garland would have been proud. That’s the non-biased opinion of her grandfather. ●-●-● SWEET DREAMS, Baby
Posted on: Fri, 07 Mar 2014 16:43:50 +0000